Not for Now, But for Eternity
by josabbimommy
Summary: Telling a story backwords, we meet Bella and Edward at what seems to be the 'end'. See how they met, fell in love, and parted. And maybe, a triumphant return. AU/AH/OOC.
1. How Do I say Goodbye?

**Not for now, But for Eternity**

**Chapter One: How do I say Goodbye?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do however own a **_**vintage **_** SEAL Team 6 sweatshirt that is still comfy, I've only been wearing it for 12 years. **

**Any similarities between people is purely coincidental. **

**Special Thanks to my Beta, fuzzyltlwingedthing. She's now beta'ing two of my stories.**

**This story is almost complete written, and will post more regularly than my other story, A Strange in the Night. That story will still be published at the same rate it's being published now.**

_**Bella**_

_**Present Day**_

"If I walk out, I'm never coming back," he said, collecting his coat off the hook and shrugging it on.

"Go then," I said. He'd said it before. He always came back. Always.

"I mean it this time," he said, grabbing his cover from the table.

"You know I can't give you what you want, you've always known that." I put my nail up to my mouth and start to chew. My sleeves are covering half my hands. My computer is lying on my lap, giving me laptop burn. I've watched him leave before. By this point in our relationship, he's left many times. He always comes back. Always. And he always says he won't be back.

You see, it's just the way we are. He comes, he tries to press upon me his feelings, I get mad, and he leaves. And then he comes back. Again, and again. It'd been that way since we met in college. He always came back.

"I mean it Bells. I'm not coming back this time." He was standing at the door, his hand on the knob. I pushed my shoulder length brown hair behind the arm of my reading glasses. I hated that I had to wear glasses, but presbyopia had hit me early and I had to have readers. It sucked.

"You always come back," I said picking up the bottle of Arizona tea I was drinking. I watched him run his hand across the top of his head. It was a signature Edward move. That's all he could do, was rub his hand across the top of his buzz cut, his longer hair, the hair I loved that he had in college, was all but gone, but the motion, the action engrained into his body, was still there. He turned his emerald eyes towards me and repeated his words.

"I'm leaving, Bella." His hand turned the knob and his arm swung, pulling the door towards him.

"Edward," I yelled. One final attempt to keep him here. "If you walk out that door, you will not be welcome back here."

"If that's what YOU want Bella, then fine. I won't be back." I watched as he walked out and I heard his car start, the headlights shining through the windows of my bottom floor apartment.

I sat there for a few minute, knowing that he would be back.

He always came back.

I sat there for the rest of the night, until I was so tired that my eyes were drooping and I resigned myself to the fact that he was really mad. I was certain, however, that he would be back in the morning.

He always came back.

I woke up in the morning, took a shower and dressed for work. I pulled my lab coat out of the closet and draped it over my arm. I liked to be in the office early, so that I could leave early. I had planned to spend my free afternoon with Edward. I'm sure that after a long talk, we'd be back to the way we 'were'.

I sent him a text message saying 'hello' and knew that it wouldn't be long until he responded. He was always up early; he liked to go to the gym before doing anything else with his morning.

As I pulled into the parking garage on 5th and Jackson, I heard my phone chirp.

I knew he'd answer me. He always came back.

"There was an error in sending your message." I looked at my phone for a minute and then saw that I had no bars. I forgot that I didn't have a signal in the parking garage. I parked my Prius, got out, grabbed my purse and my lab coat and headed into the office building. I bleep my car locked.

I waited until I got to the top of the parking deck and checked to make sure I had four full bars then send the message again. Less than a minute later, my phone chirps again, signifying that the message wasn't sent.

"Fuckin' A," I say to myself. I had a full signal. My battery was fully charged and I wasn't exactly sure what the problem was.

I'd just call him.

I went to my call log and clicked his name. I knew he'd be up, so I wasn't afraid that I was waking him.

"Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system," it continued to drone on and even though I loathed and despised voicemail, I knew that I should leave a message.

"Edward, its Bella. I tried to text you, but for some reason, it won't go through. Please call me so we can discuss last night." I clicked the end button and continued my hike into the brick building that the company had occupied for the past twenty years. I was one of its newest employees, having only worked here for a little over a year. I pushed the down button for the elevator and waited patiently. Several minutes later I hopped on an elevator, anxious to get to the basement and start my day.

I moved my ID past the reader and the security doors opened. I went into my office and dropped off my purse, then replaced my suit jacket for my lab coat, slipped my phone into my pocket and walked out ready to face the day of cadavers before me.

Eight hours later, I was exhausted but felt fulfilled from a full day of work. I had determined that the woman that was supposedly a suicide was really a murder and that the young guy who had come in had an abdominal aortic aneurysm and nothing anybody could have done would've saved him.

I walked into my office and took my lab coat off, and slipped my suit coat on; I grabbed my purse and my lab coat and headed out of the building for the day.

I looked at my phone for the 9,000th time that day. Still no call or text from Edward. He'd never gone this long without talking to me, unless he was on a mission and didn't have access to a phone. He wasn't expected to leave for his next mission for two weeks and if he expected to stay in my apartment while he was here, he'd better call.

I tried his phone again, and again it went to voicemail. I was starting to hate his voicemail. I imagined that the automated lady started to snicker at me every time I called.

I made it home to my apartment and parked my was dark and he obviously wasn't home yet. I found my keys and unlocked the apartment door and walked in. I looked throughout the apartment, just in case he was sitting in the dark, in the bedroom, waiting for me.

He wasn't.

I called him again. Fucking voicemail. I was getting mad. It wasn't like Edward to ignore me for this long.

I called Esme; she'd tell me where he was.

"Hi Bella," she sounded sad when she answered the phone.

"Is Edward there?"

"No. He left. He got called back early. He didn't tell you?"

"No, he didn't." He had really left. He never left mad, especially to go on a mission. I hoped that he would be ok. This is why we couldn't be together. I didn't like sharing him. I didn't like that at a moment's notice, he had to stop everything and leave. When we dated, it was like the military was his wife and I was his mistress. And while the sex was fantastic, and he treated me like a princess, I couldn't play second fiddle. I was never good at being second.

"Oh," was all Esme had to say. "Are you and Edward ok dear?"

"I'm not sure," I replied. Even though Esme was Edward's mom, I had known her so long, she was like a second mom to me. "We had a fight," I mumbled into the phone.

"Oh dear," she replied. "And then he left. I told him to never leave mad. It doesn't put him in the right frame of mind. He'll be ok. Just let him cool down. He'll call in a few days."

"Yeah," I replied. "Your probably right."

"Thank you, Esme. I'll call you later on this week, maybe we can do lunch"

"That sounds nice, Bella." She always wanted us to get married and give her grandchildren. That's the problem with being the only child, everything is up to you. Needless to say, she was pissed that Edward hadn't bothered to settle down and have a few kids. She understood my feelings on the topic. Routinely sided with me about the whole military spouse thing. But she still wanted us married, with children. She desperately wanted grandchildren.

Edward had asked me to marry him. Not once, but twice. And twice I broke it off. I'd promised him after I had my career set in stone, and he got out of the military, that I'd say yes.

I had just started my career.

And he had no interest in leaving the service.

We were at a stalemate.

And that's what our fight had been about.

Our relationship hadn't always been so hard.

At one time, the only thing in the world that I wanted, besides to be a doctor was to be with Edward Cullen.

But things have a way of changing.

Fate has a way of kicking you in the ass.

Reality tends to make you see things clearly.

This is the story of how we met, fell in love and ended up where we are now. Thousands of miles away from each other and not talking

Sometimes the story is happy. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's sad. But it's the truth. And it's my story. And I can't wait for you to hear it.


	2. In the Beginning

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do however own a **_**vintage**_** VMI sweatshirt. Complete with grass stains. I know, I'm soooo lucky.**

**Beta'd by: fuzzyltlwingedthing. **

**Chapter Two: In the beginning…..**

**Bella POV**

_**October 1999, Lexington and Staunton, Virginia.**_

"Emmett Aaron McCarty—I've told you to stop trying to set me up with people," I screamed into my dorm room phone.

"He's a nice guy Bells," my brother replied.

"He's your roommate," I replied.

"So?" Emmett muttered into the phone.

"So, I'm not going out with your roommate." I was twirling my hair absentmindedly around my fingers, lying on the couch in my room.

"He just needs a date for the Navy Ball; you don't have to do anything but escort him. You'll have fun. And Rosie and I will be there too."

"Uh huh, for how long?" I knew from prior experience that Emmett and Rose didn't stay long at those functions. The last time I got roped into going to one they left to have sex in the bathroom and I was stuck with some computer science dork that smelled like onions. It was not my idea of fun.

"We'll stay the whole night. I promise," I heard Emmett say into the phone.

And that's how I ended up here, two weeks later, sitting next to one of the hottest men I've ever seen in my entire life. His name was Edward. My brother had met him over the summer at a training session for other Navy cadets. His roommate had decided to not come back to the Institute, or the 'I' as I liked to call it, it was really Virginia Military Institute, where my brother was a sophomore.

"So Isabella," the Navy Commander that was sitting across from Edward and I had been talking non-stop, going from person to person around the small table. "What are you majoring in?"

"Biochemistry. With minors in Physics and Math."

"Wow. That's a lot of science. What are your plans after your graduate?"

"I'm going to be a Thoracic surgeon," I said unwaveringly.

"That's a lot of school," he replied. "Have you thought about teaching?"

"No, that thought never crossed my mind," I plowed my fork into a large piece of steak and shoved it into my mouth. I didn't want to continue this conversation. This guy had been insulting everyone's dates all night.

"You should look into it, surgery is a hard field for women," he shoved a piece of steak into his mouth and started to chew. I hoped that he was done.

"Bella's smart. I'm sure she'll be a great surgeon," my dashingly handsome, incredibly smart date said. We had gotten to know each other over the past two weeks. I'd given Emmett permission to give Edward my phone number and we'd been chatting daily for the past two weeks. Last weekend, we'd spent the day together, going to the park, having coffee, and talking in my dorm room. He was a fascinating guy, and unlike other boys I had dated, Edward was able to hold my attention and carry on a conversation. And he talked about more than VMI football, which in itself was a refreshing change of pace.

There wasn't much conversation after Edward successfully shut the Commander up. I guess he didn't have much more to say. We spent the rest of the evening dancing and talking with my brother, Emmett, his date and longtime girlfriend, Rosalie, and Emmett and Edwards other roommate, Jasper. He ironically had independently met my roommate, Alice, at a VMI mixer and had invited her at the last minute. He was lucky she had a ball gown. Edward was lucky that I had one too.

I was eighteen years old. My long, chestnut brown hair fell almost to my ass, the loose waves laid gently against my bare back. I loved that silver gown. It was ball-length, just stopping at the floor; there was a small train that flared out in the back. It was silver and clung just right to every part of my body. The white gloves that all the dates were required to wear almost blended in with my pale skin. My sapphire earrings and necklace set that my father had bought me for my fifteenth birthday hung from my ears and neck. Emmett hated my dress. He also hated the fact that his baby sister might just be getting laid tonight. He was in complete and utter denial that I'd ever kissed a boy, much less was no longer a virgin. If only he knew.

"It's almost time to go," I heard Edward whisper in my ear. We were dancing slowly, swaying to a song by Mariah Carey, his hands were dangerously close to my ass, but I didn't mind.

"Watch your hands, Cullen!" I heard my brother whisper-yell a few feet away.

"Ignore him, "I said, reaching my hands up higher to Edwards's neck and pushing his head towards mine. I kissed him quickly, knowing that much more than a quick peck could get him in trouble, excessive PDA in uniform was frowned upon.

"I plan on it," he said, the song ends and we make it back to our table to collect our things.

"Be careful with her," I heard Emmett say to Edward, "and remember, she has a curfew."

"I do not," I replied, punching him playfully in the arm.

"Bye Bells," Emmett scooped me into his arms and kissed my head. I loved my brother so much.

"Bye Bella," I heard Rose say, also giving me a hug. We didn't initially like each other, but over the two years she had dated my brother, I'd grown to love her like the sister that I never had.

"Brunch tomorrow?" I heard Emmett say, wiggling his eye brows at me.

"Yeah," I replied. "I'll call you," he grabbed my hand and headed to my car. We were staying in the Holiday Day Inn down the street. We were both tired, but I was excited about what the next couple of hours held.

**_Present Day_**

**_Richmond, VA_**

The shrill ringing of my cell phone woke me up. I was dreaming about the first time Edward and I had sex. It had been three weeks since he walked out of my apartment and I missed him terribly. I hadn't heard from him since, and it hurt. It hurt more than I thought it would. More than it usually did. I wiped the sleep out of my eye and grabbed my phone, noting quickly that it was my personal cell and not my work cell.

"Edward," I said, grabbing the phone without looking at the caller ID.

"No," I recognized the slow, Texas drawl immediately.

"Hey Jazz," I wiped at my eyes again and then peered at the clock.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Are you going to let me in, or do I have to stand out here on the stoop, looking like a stalker."

"Why are you here?" I was confused as to why Jasper was at my home at 8am on a Saturday.

"It's the 3rd," he replied.

"Uh huh," I said, still confused as to why he was here.

"Babysitting, remember? Anniversary? Am I ringing any bells yet, Bells?"

"Oh shit," I replied, standing up and then immediately sitting back down. My head hurt. And then I remembered how much I had drank the night before, completely forgetting that I had volunteered to babysit my 'niece', Annaliese. She wasn't really my niece, but since Alice was my best friend, and Jasper was Edward's best friend, their daughter was practically ours. We'd spent a lot of time over the years with Annaliese, for one reason or another and I couldn't get enough of the little girl. She was the closest thing to a daughter that I would ever have. "Give me a minute."

I looked down at myself and realized I needed clothes first. I found a pair of yoga pants and threw them on, followed by a clean t-shirt, threw my shoulder length hair into a pony tail and ran to the door.

"Hey," I said, pulling the door open and welcoming my niece and her father in.

"Aunt Bella," Annaliese said, running to hug me. Her loud, ear-drum piercing voice was just too loud in the morning and I unconsciously placed my hands over my ears.

"Are you sure about this Bella?" I heard Jasper ask. He looked past my shoulder and I'm sure he saw my trash can, overflowing with bottles of alcohol.

"We'll be fine," I said, grabbing the overnight bag from Jasper's hand.

"We can postpone, maybe to next weekend?" I saw Jasper shuffle on his feet, I couldn't have them cancel their Anniversary trip. They were trying to get pregnant again and they needed this time to themselves.

"No, it's not a big deal," I replied. "We'll have fun, won't we Annaliese?" I asked, looking towards my niece.

"We always do Aunt Bella," she replied.

Jasper looked between the two of us, shook his head and bent down.

"I love you baby," he kissed Annaliese and stood up. "We have our cells; call us if you need us. We're only going to Virginia Beach," he patted his pants pocket, like he was making sure he actually did have his cell, and then hugged me whispering "he'll call soon," in my ear so only he and I could hear.

"Where's Uncle Edward?" She asked me as soon as he was gone. She always asks me, because usually I always know. But this time I didn't have an answer. I had no clue where he was. And neither did anyone else, except Esme, and she didn't know _exactly_ where he was, just that he was gone.

"I don't know baby," I replied. "Hungry?" I asked, opening my refrigerator and then realizing it was empty. Guess we're going out to eat, I thought to myself.

"Where you wanna go eat?" I slipped my Crocs on and found my VMI sweatshirt, I sniffed it a second, Edward's scent was long, long gone, but I had a hope, for a minutes that it'd still be there.

"Friendly's," was her reply. It was always her reply. It was her and Edward's favorite place, and somewhere I always took her, especially when he was in town.

While I drove, Annaliese talked incessantly about school starting. She was so happy to be going back as a first grader. She thought she was such a big girl, now that she wasn't a Kindergartener, and she had the option of wearing either a yellow or white shirt with her uniform, and not just yellow. She asked me rapid fire questions, some of which I was able to answer, and some I couldn't or just wouldn't. It was then I'd change the topic and it worked for a while, until…..

"Are you every going to have babies, Aunt Bella? You'd be a good Mommy."

"Probably not, baby." I replied.

"Why?" she asked.

"It's hard to explain," I replied again, pulling into the Friendly's parking lot.

"I'm smart, I bet I'll understand," she replied.

"I don't think it's fair to have a baby when Uncle Edward is never home. A baby should know it's Daddy. Like you know your Daddy."

"But Uncle Edward is a hero," I heard Annaliese say. It broke my heart listening to her, because it was true, Edward was a hero. A true, American hero. If he was in the Army he could've been GI Joe.

"He is, but he's never home. What do you want to eat baby?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"I think you should have a baby, I really want a cousin," she said, picking up her menu.

We don't talk about Edward for the rest of the meal. After breakfast we head to the mall and then to the movie theatre. By the end of the day, she's so tired that she falls right to sleep and I'm able to relax with a glass of wine and my latest fan fiction stories. I call Alice and Jasper to let them know that their only child is safe and secure and they thank me again for watching her.

Again I try to call Edward. My eyes catch the silver framed portrait from our very first Navy Ball, the same Navy Ball I'd dreamt of the night before. Me in my long silver dress, my hair cascading down my back, Edward holding me close to his side, wearing his VMI dress uniform, a gray top with white pants and shiny Corfram shoes. He was so handsome. We were so young.

Again I leave a message.

Eventually, his voicemail box is going to fill up and I'll no longer be able to leave him messages.

This is the longest that he's ever gone without some form of communication. I usually get something, a letter, an email, if I'm lucky a text. Always something.

This time, nothing.

He's really mad at me.

I wish I could say the Eminem song is right, but I don't enjoy this hurt that I'm feeling. I don't enjoy the lie that I'm living or the feelings I'm feeling.

I want my Edward back.

At about 5pm the next day I give Annaliese a hug as she leaves to go home with her parents. We had a great weekend, it would've been better if it was spent with Edward, like originally planned, but again, his career, his _first love_, came first. As usual.

As much as I missed him, as much as I loved him, I had it. It had been twelve years since we met. Twelve years of love and hate. Twelve years of broken promises and broken plans.

He had promised me everything. And gave me nothing.

He promised he would fulfill his requirements, five years of active duty military service, and then get out.

He was going on year ten. I promised him I'd marry him the day after he got out of the military.

He gave me a ring. A beautiful emerald cut, platinum set, two carat ring.

I gave it back the day he told me he extended his contract another year.

I kicked him out of our apartment the day he told me he was on the short list for Commander.

I cried on him the day my mother died, and invited him back to my bed.

I kicked him out the next morning.

The sex was always great.

The morning after wasn't.

After I graduated from medical school, and became a doctor, he proposed again. He gave me back the same ring. I was ok with that. It was after all, a beautiful ring.

The day he told me he signed on for _**four more years**_, I gave him his ring back and took my key off his key ring.

He came to me the day his father died. I stood by his side as his father was lowered into the ground. I held his hand and comforted him. I told him I loved him.

And we were back together. For a while.

Until that day.

The day that changed our lives, my life, Rose's life, and Emmett's life forever.


	3. Here Comes Goodbye

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. That honor belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I do however own a sweatshirt that says "Feel safe at night, Sleep with a SEAL," that I um, borrowed, from someone in college, and may have forgotten to return. I also don't own "Here Comes Goodbye", but I love Rascal Flatts.

* * *

><p><strong>Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time<strong>  
><strong>Here comes the start of every sleepless night<strong>  
><strong>The first of every tear I'm gonna cry<strong>  
><strong>Here comes the pain,<strong>  
><strong>Here comes me wishing things had never changed<strong>  
><strong>That she was right here in my arms tonight,<strong>  
><strong>But here comes goodbye<strong>

**"Here Comes Goodbye"**

**Rascal Flatts**

**_Bella _**

Death is a funny thing. Sometimes it's predictable, and you have weeks, months or sometimes years to plan. My mother died of breast cancer, after valiantly fighting it for five years. She had beaten it once and then it came back with a vengeance, and took her away from Emmett and me when I was in medical school. Carlisle Cullen was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, and even though he had less time, a little over six months, when he died, we weren't at all surprised. We were prepared. We knew it was coming. Esme and Edward were ready for it. Esme was content that her husband was no longer in pain, and Edward knew how much Carlisle had suffered and was relieved to see him go.

And then sometimes, death likes to surprise people. It's like the Grim Reaper gets bored and picks people to die. I hate when he does that. But then again, I've never been a fan of surprises.

_**November 1997**_

_**Arlington, Virginia**_

I was glad that I had remembered to bring an umbrella. It was cold and rainy. I'm glad I had decided to not wear heels, unlike my mother. She was sinking in the mud with every step she took.

We finally got to our seats. It if were a concert venue, I'd be impressed with the great seat we had, front row center. We sat in the middle, my mother flanked by myself and on one side and my brother, dressed in his VMI uniform, on the other.

I felt like Jackie O saying goodbye to JFK. I was in a black dress, with black stockings and black flats. I had a heavy, wool jacket on. I even had one of those little hats with the veil. My long brown hair was gathered into a low bun at the nape of my neck. My mother looked almost identical, except for the heels she was wearing that were covered in mud. She was next to me, clutching a tissue box in her hand. Any other time I'd be happy to be outdoors in the wide open spaces that I loved. But this time I wished to be somewhere, anywhere but here.

I watched as a group of men, all dressed in their fanciest uniform lined up to the side, watched as someone else gave an order and they shouldered their weapons. I jumped every time they fired.

BAM-My mother's tears got louder, she was blowing her nose, loudly, into one of the tissues from the box.

BAM-Seven simultaneous shots rang into the air.

BAM-The command to put their guns down was given. I watched as they marched away, their precise military marching struck me as beautiful.

Someone spoke; I'm no longer paying attention. I can't hear over the thunder rumbling overtop.

I watched as they handed my mother a flag, the Major stood handsomely in his uniform.

I realized we're done and I got up and bolted to the limo, not wanting to meet anyone else, not wanting to talk, I just want to go home and cry, cry by myself, in the privacy of my room.

I climbed into the waiting limo and threw my hat down on the seat. I waited for my mother and brother to return to the limo and watched as we pass by garden, after garden of stone, all perfectly aligned in little rows. I waved to JFK, knowing his flame is on my left. I watched as the green hills disappeared, and the traffic appears. I'm leaving this place. I waved good bye again, one last time, then turned around, pushed the crease out of my dress and attempted to sleep for the ride home.

That was the day I buried my Daddy.

I was seventeen years old, and a senior in high school.

_**Present Day**_

_**October 2011**_

_**Richmond, Virginia**_

It had been six weeks. Six impossibly long weeks.

I missed him.

I needed him.

I hadn't heard from him at all.

I was trying to ignore the fact that this was the longest Edward ever went without talking or communicating in any form with me.

I picked up extra shifts, worked doubles, triples if they let me. Spent almost every waking moment (and some sleepy ones) at the morgue. Anything to get my mind off the fact that I hadn't heard from him. Hadn't seen him.

I called Esme almost daily. She said she too hadn't heard from him. I believed her. She wouldn't lie to me.

Edward had always told me that communication was a privilege and sometimes I just had to trust that he was ok. Know that he would bring himself home ok. I just had a feeling that something was wrong. I could feel it in my bones.

"Dr. Swan," I heard the intercom crackle and the tinny voice of James, the morgue attendant, come through.

"Yeah," I replied. I was up to my armpits in intestines, literally. This was NOT a good time to interrupt.

"You have a visitor," James replied.

"I have a what?" I asked, not quite hearing the last word correctly. I thought he said I had a visitor.

"A visitor," he confirmed, this time a little clearer.

"Visitor?" I mumbled questionably to myself. No one ever came to visit me. Ever. Unless it was a police officer. And they usually came into the morgue…..I couldn't fathom who could be visiting.

"Send them to the waiting area. I'll be out in twenty," I couldn't just stop what I was doing. I was almost complete and needed to get this done before I could let the morgue attendant sew him back up.

Thirty minutes later, after taking off my apron and gloves and washing my hands I made my way to the small waiting area in the basement of the morgue.

"Dr. Swan?" I heard someone say. I turned around to come face to face with two men in white uniforms, a Navy Commander and a Chaplain. This was not good.

"Yes," I replied. "I'm Dr. Isabella Swan."

"Can we talk—"the Commander said, looking around the room, there were a few people milling about, "in private?"

"Sure," I replied. My voice came out small and shaky, I sound like a little girl, not a near thirty year old woman.

I led the way, down the hall to my small office and unlocked the door. I picked up a bunch of case files which were sitting on the rarely used guest chairs and placed them behind me on the floor.

This couldn't be good. There was a Navy Commander and a Chaplain. That only meant one thing.

Someone was hurt….or dead. I gripped my desk table and prepared for the worst.

_**February 2007**_

"Promise me, Bella," Emmett whispered into my ear, "don't let her work too hard."

"I promise, Emmy," I whispered back. My brother and Edward were leaving, again. They were going God knows where to do God knows what. We were in Yorktown, Rosie and I were saying good bye to our men, again, for the millionth time, or so it seemed.

Rosie was struggling with their son, Emmett Jr., or EJ, for short. He had just learned to walk and wanted to do it all the time. Rosie was holding him, or rather struggling to hold him. With her pregnant belly it was hard to do anything, much less hold a struggling 30 pound one year old. Yeah, did I mention EJ was built just like Emmett?

I hugged Emmett one more time and then moved onto Edward. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his head down for a kiss. I could feel his hands ghost near my ass.

"Watch those hands, Cullen. That's my sister," Emmett said. He said the same thing every time we kissed.

"I love you," he said, kissing me sweetly and squeezing me tightly.

"I love you too," I replied. "Come back safe. And bring him back too," I said thumbing towards my brother.

"I will," he replied. I kissed him one final time and then turned to Rosie. I carried EJ for her and she carried the abundance of stuff that comes along with kids as we walked away from the men that we loved.

The next day I returned to school. I had completed my internship and was focusing on my residency. I had made a deal with Edward that I would pursue something that would take less time if he got out of the military next year. I gave up my dream of being a thoracic surgeon—but then I discovered pathology which was almost as good. It was like doing surgery except there was no risk of killing the patient because they were already dead. It was great. I loved solving the mystery and helping prove or disprove cases.

But more importantly I feel like I ultimately made the right decision. Edward was due to get out of the military in seven months. After that, I would start planning the wedding, again.

That was the plan.

It had been a month. I'd heard from Edward intermittently throughout his 'mission'. An email here, a phone call there, sometimes a text. Always a letter.

"Hello," it was Rosie, probably calling to check in. She had an OB appointment today.

"B-Bells," she sounded like she was crying.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's Emmett," she replied. And that's when I sat down.

"He's dead," she whispered it so quietly I almost didn't hear her faint voice on the other end.

"What? How?" I asked. I knew she wouldn't know the answers but I needed to know.

"I don't know," she replied.

"I'll be there as soon as I can, stay at home Rose, I'm on my way." I had to go to her. I promised my brother that I would take care of her. And I did. I was there, two weeks later when she gave birth to her second son, a little boy, Aaron McCarty.

I was there, three weeks later, when Emmett finally made it home.

He was dressed in white. You couldn't even tell he had been shot. They draped him in red, white and blue. He was buried in the same area as my parents, in Arlington National Cemetery.

I was sitting next to Rosalie. EJ was dressed in black and looked just like my brother, a younger, not quite walking, version of my brother. Aaron looked like Rose with his blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. He was completely oblivious to what was going on; sound asleep in his car seat. He even slept through the 21 gun salute.

Every member of SEAL Team Six was in attendance. Edward held my hand the whole time; he didn't let me out of his site. Edward was there too. I cried for hours, days even. I cried on his crisp uniform jacket, his crisp white shirt, his crisp white pants. I cried on his bare chest wrapped in his arms.

I felt guilty for being happy that Edward was home, that I was cuddled in his arms.

I felt bad that EJ and Aaron had lost their Daddy. Rosalie had lost the love of her life. And that I still had mine.

"What happened with Em?" I asked him, several weeks later. I'd been working up the nerve to ask him.

"You know I can't tell you, Bella." He got out of his chair and grabbed his plate. I knew he probably couldn't but I knew I had to give it a try.

I didn't ask him about my brother again. That night, Edward got called into work. I sat in our bedroom and cried myself to sleep.

A week later Edward called me. I hadn't seen him since he'd been training at the base all week..

"Hey baby," he said when I answered the phone.

"Hey," I replied. I was so tired. My feet were aching from walking in high heels all day and my head hurt from the massive amount of scents I'd been exposed to.

"Just getting home?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Eating. I'm so hungry."

"Are you busy this weekend?" he asked. I so desperately wanted to see him, needed to see him. I missed him so much. I needed him.

"No," I replied pushing my heels off my feet while I was sitting at my kitchen table.

"Come to the base," he replied, "we'll stay in the BOQ, go shopping, whatever you want to do."

"That sounds fun," I said flexing my feet back and forth. They were so sore.

"There's an event that we need to go to on Saturday night, but it won't um—it won't take long."

"Will I need a dress?" I asked, I knew, I just knew he was going to say yes. I used to enjoy going to military functions, reveled in the dressing up, getting my hair done, being escorted by the best looking Navy officer in the fleet, but that was before I knew what it meant to give your heart to a Navy man. To never really know where he is, what he's doing or whether or not he's safe.

"Yes," he replied.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Promotion Ball," he replied.

"Why are we going to that?" I asked. "You're getting out. You're not getting promoted again."

"About that," he replied. And that's what I groaned. I knew I wasn't going to like this conversation.

_**Present Day**_

"Dr. Swan?" I heard the Commander's voice shake me from my flashback.

"I'm sorry, I was lost there for a minute," I said. My knuckles were white from clutching the edge of my desk.

"Maybe you should sit down," I heard the Chaplain say.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath. I knew it was wrong to curse in front of a man of the cloth, but I couldn't help it. Neither the Commander or the Chaplain seemed to have noticed, and if they did, they didn't say anything.

I stood there a second longer, looking at the things that graced my wall. My diplomas and board certification. Pictures of Emmet and I with our parents, our college graduations, Edward and I are various functions, and my niece and nephews.. Everywhere I looked, there was Edward. Everywhere. I slowly sat into my seat and looked at my hand. I had worn my VMI miniature this morning, a ring that's an exact replica of Edward's college ring. I'm not sure what possessed me to put it on, but I did.

"Dr. Swan," I heard the Chaplain start again.

"Is he dead?" I interrupted. I didn't need someone to hold my hand, I just needed the truth.

"Commander Cullen?" the Commander in front of me replied, he stared back at me, apparently surprised by my bluntness.

"No, the Easter bunny," I answered sarcastically. Who the hell did he think that I was talking about? "Yes, Edward."

"No, he's not dead," the Commander replied.

"Then why are you here? You're the death team right? The lucky bastards that get to tell people their loved ones are dead?" I asked sarcastically. I tended to resort to sarcasm during stressful situations.

The Commander looked at the Chaplain, probably thinking they wanted to get the hell out of here, out of this room with this sarcastic, impatient woman, when the Chaplain spoke.

"That is part of our job, yes," the Chaplain replied. "We're also in charge of injury notification."

"He's hurt?" I asked. My heart was already in my throat. I couldn't stand the thought of Edward being injured somewhere.

"Yes," the Commander said. The small pain that I'd had in my chest turned into a crushing, overwhelming pain and I could barely breath, much less speak.

"Where is he?" I whispered

"Germany," the commander replied.

"What's injured?" I asked, but before he could answer, I had the overwhelming urge to vomit and before I could control myself, or my stomach, I vomited the entire contents, which happened to be M&M's and Mountain Dew, of my stomach into the trash can next to my desk.

I felt someone's hand on my back, and my hair being moved out of the way. I vomited a minute longer and saw someone, maybe the commander, offering me a bottle of water.

"You okay, Dr. Swan?" asked the chaplain, who I know realized was the one holding my hair back.

"I think….whew….that was bad. I've never had that reaction before. Not even when my brother died." I swished the water around in my mouth a few more times, trying to remove the taste of vomit. I hated throwing up.

"So he'll be home, when?" I asked.

"We're not sure yet. He hasn't been medically cleared to fly," the Commander replied.

I just looked at him for a minute. I still felt nauseous. My chest hurt. My head hurt. I was going to throw up again, I could feel it. I couldn't breathe. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. Rid myself of the ripping pain I felt in my chest. But I knew it wouldn't work. My heart had just broken in my chest and nothing could repair it.

"What's injured?" I asked with my hands clutching my desk once again.

"He broke his legs, a few ribs; there is some damage to his neck, and face."

"Thank you," I whispered. I sat back down in my desk chair and thought about what I should do next.

I'd go to Germany. See him, help him recover. I would need time off; I had plenty of vacation time saved up, especially since I had cancelled my last vacation. I needed to get ahold of my boss.

"Can I visit him?" I asked.

"No," the Commander replied.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, because you and Commander Cullen aren't married, we can't authorize you to visit him."

"I'll pay for myself," I replied, looking between the two of them, pleading with them. I was hoping they would take mercy on me.

"I'm sorry," the Commander replied. "You'll have to wait for him to come home."

"We're engaged," I replied quickly. I opened my desk drawer and pulled out the Tiffany's box I kept the engagement ring in and quickly slipped it on my finger. Edward refused to take it back the last time I broke it off with him. "I don't like to wear it when I'm in the autopsy room."

"We didn't know ma'am. You were just listed as a girlfriend. He didn't change your status before he left on his mission. We'll look into arrangements and let you know. If that's it, ma'am?" The Chaplain and the Commander stood up and walked out of my office. I sat there for a minute, quietly contemplating everything that I would need to do.

And then it hit me.

Esme.

The thought popped into my head before I had the ability to control it. I'd need to call her. Coordinate with her.

I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled to Esme's name in my contact list. After finding the number I wanted, I pushed call and waited for her to answer.

"Bella," I heard her say, she sounded out of breath, like she ran across the room to find her phone.

"Esme," I said into the phone. "Have they been there yet?" I asked at the same time she asked "did you talk to them yet?"

"Yes," we answered simultaneously.

"They didn't tell me much," I replied.

"He has two broken legs," Esme replied, "bilateral femur fractures. He's been in Germany for a month. He lost his dog tags. They couldn't initially identify him. I'm waiting to hear back about arrangements to get over there. I'll call you when I hear something more."

"Ok," I replied. Before I could continue, I had another sudden wave of nausea and emptied the rest of my mediocre lunch into the trash can. I wiped my mouth off and picked the phone back up. I had dropped it as I dashed for the trash can.

"Are you ok, dear?" Esme asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "I think I have the stomach flu, I've been ill for a couple of days. But it comes and goes. Usually in the morn—" and then I paused. Because Bella the doctor just remembered that Bella the girlfriend had sex with her ex-boyfriend six weeks ago. And hadn't had a period since.

"What were you saying, Bella?" Esme asked me on the other end.

I felt my world spinning and again gripped my desk. I couldn't believe this. I was pregnant. I hadn't missed a period in years.

Oh. My. God.

Now what was I going to do.

"Here Comes Goodbye" is a follow-up to the song, "What Hurts the Most," both by Rascal Flatts.

Both can be found here: (just remove the brackets and add a dot).

"What Hurts the Most," http:/[youtu]be/7qH4qyi1-Ys

"Here Comes Goodbye," http:/[youtu]be/17VudJ6lr4k


	4. Baby, baby, baby

**Not for Now, but for Eternity: Chapter 4, Baby, baby, baby...**

**Thanks to my lovely Beta, fuzzyltlwingedthing.**

After finishing my work for the day, I left my office and headed home, but before going home, I stopped at Walgreens and bought a pregnancy test. I was almost positive that I was pregnant, but I needed the test to know for sure.

If it was positive, I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I knew what Edward would want me to do. But I wasn't sure what_ I_ wanted to do.

I walked around Walgreens for a while, adding some other things, stuff I probably didn't need, to my basket. Buying a pregnancy test was like buying tampons or condoms, you always added other things to the order, to distract the cashier from the fact that you were buying condoms or tampons.

Not that it really works, but it's worth a try.

I grabbed my bags and headed out to my Prius, a few minutes later I arrived at my apartment and grabbed my bags yet again. I dropped them at the front door and walked straight to the bathroom.

I tore the box open and started reading the directions.

And then I stopped. I can't do this alone. I can't sit in a bathroom, by myself, and pee on a stick. I can't watch my future change, or not change, in a bathroom, by myself. I just can't do it.

I walked back out to my living room and grabbed my phone out of my purse.

I scrolled through my contacts, looking for who I needed and pushed call.

"Hey," I heard my sister-in-law, Rose say.

"Hey," I replied. I opened my refrigerator door to look for something for dinner.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Are you busy tomorrow?" I pulled open my crisper drawer to get lettuce, carrots and cucumbers.

"Not really," she replied. I could hear the TV in the background and thought I heard sizzling, but I wasn't sure.

"Are you cooking?" I asked.

"Yeah, we're having Tacos for dinner. It was EJ's night to pick."

"That's sounds good," I replied. "Can I come over tomorrow?" I asked. Rose would hold my hand through this, I knew that she would.

"Sure, or you could come over now and have tacos with me and your nephews," and then I heard a crinkling sound and her yell, 'EJ stop bouncing on the couch.'

"Ok," I replied. "I'd love to come over. Rose and I chatted for a few more minutes and then I hung up, collected the test, shoved it into my purse and grabbed my keys to head to Rose's house, 20 minutes away.

"Aunt Bella," I heard my nephews scream after parking my car and getting out. They clobbered me in the driveway, before I even made it into the house.

"Hey guys," I said, a smiling filling my face, and hugged and kissed each of them.

"Wanna see my Kindergarten work?" EJ asked.

"Sure baby," I replied. He grabbed me by the hand and led me into the house, excited to show off his school work.

After thumbing through paper bag puppets, stop signs and letters of the alphabets drawn repeatedly, Rose finally announced it was time for dinner. We sat at the table and talked some more about school. After dinner was over, I helped Rose wash the boys and put them down for bed. I went downstairs to sit on the couch. I was tired from the day, and I knew that the conversation ahead of us was going to be a long one.

"Here," I heard Rose say, handing me a glass of red wine.

"I'll pass," I replied.

"Are you sick?" Rose asked, looking at me concerned.

"No," I replied. "Why?"

"I've never known you to refuse wine before," she replied, taking my glass and sitting it down next to me.

"Yeah, I'm not in the mood," I replied, trying to blow off her comment like it was unimportant.

"So," Rose sat down next to me on the couch and put her feet on the end table in front of her. "What's up?"

"Do you regret having kids with Emmett?" I asked, quickly looking down to my cuticles for a place to chew.

"No," Rose replies.

"Really?" I ask, looking up at her crystal blue eyes.

"Not at all. I love my boys. And Emmett would've too," she replies.

"Don't you feel cheated that he's missing everything?" I ask. I don't want to make Rose mad, or upset her.

"No, I think that he's watching every move those boys of ours are making," she replies.

"But don't you wish he was here, raising them with you, instead of dead?"

"Absolutely, I do. But I had no control over that and you know it." She picks up her wine glass and takes a big gulp before continuing.

"What's this about Bella?" she asks looking at me pointedly.

"I think I'm pregnant," I replied, pushing my finger further into my mouth, annihilating my cuticle.

_**October 2001**_

_**Staunton, VA**_

"I love you," he whispered into my ear before nibbling on it.

"I love you too," I replied. "So much," I moved my head so that I could kiss him on the lips and as soon as our lips met the now familiar bolt of electricity surged through my body. I was basking in post-coital bliss and loving it.

"How much?" He asked.

"A lot," I replied.

"Enough to marry me," he asked, pushing his face into my armpit. I loved being here. Naked and wrapped in Edward's arms. Comfort and security surrounded me.

"What?" I asked, I thought I heard him just ask for to marry him.

"Marry me," he replied and I watched as he reached behind him into his pants to retrieve a box.

"What?" I was fully alert and oriented now.

"Marry me," he asked again, popping to top of the box open to reveal a stunning diamond ring.

"Um," I said, pulling my lip into my mouth and chewing on it. Did I want to be engaged? Did I want to get married? I wasn't sure. I knew I wanted Edward forever, and I guess the only way I would get that was by marrying him.

"Um', is not an answer," he said, "Emmett gave me his blessing."

"Yes," I finally reply. I wasn't really certain about this, but Edward was giving me his puppy dog face and I couldn't resist the puppy dog face. I watched as he slipped the silver ring onto my finger and then kissed me.

"In twenty years, when we're recounting our engagement story to our children, let's leave the 'after having fantastic sex, I asked your naked mother to marry me' part out of the story." He chuckled a little and ran his hand through his hair.

"Our kids?" I replied, taking a big gulp after that statement. I wasn't so sure about this kid thing. I didn't really like children. They tended to be loud, messy and smelly. Three of my least favorite things.

"Yes, you know, the boy and girl that we are going to have," he replied, "after you're done with your internship and residency, and I'm out of the Navy. By that time, we'll be financially secure enough to give them the best of everything," he continued to talk but I tuned him out. I wasn't sure if kids were ever in my future. I couldn't see planning my life around a child. Or going through labor. That didn't strike me as something that I wanted to do. Maybe I wasn't normal. Didn't most women want children? Have a biological urge to have children? Was I broken? I didn't know.

"I'm not sure about that," I replied, interrupting him from his ramblings.

"About what? Moving to the country? We can negotiate that. I just don't want my kids in the city, with pollution and the school system; we'd have to find the perfect place for the house—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I interrupted, getting up and flinging the sheets off the bed. I grabbed my robe off the hook by the door and pulled my hair up.

"What?" Edward asked, looking at me. "We don't have to live in the country if you don't want to. It was just a suggestion."

"I don't want children," I replied, looking down at the floor. I was almost ashamed to say that.

"How can you not want children? Every woman wants children," he stood up and pulled his boxers on.

"Not every woman. Every time I think about the future, it never has children in it. Never."

He walks over to his bag and pulls on a pair of PT's to go work out. "We don't have to have children," he blew some air out of his mouth and his bangs flew up in a wave. "I just thought," and then he stopped. "I just want you," he finished. "Kids are just a bonus." He walked out of my dorm room door and out the front door of the dorm.

I looked at my hand, the beautiful diamond sparkling on my finger. I loved Edward. But could I let him down and not give him what it seems like he wanted? I wasn't sure. Could I have a child to make him happy? No, I don't think that would be fair to the kid, or Edward, who would end up raising it.

I closed my door quietly and headed over to Alice's room, she lived across the hall from me. I knocked quietly as it was before nine, and waited patiently for her to come to the door.

"What the—"I heard a voice mumble, the door swung open and there stood Jasper in nothing but boxer shorts. "Bells," he said, pulling the door open enough for me to see him.

"I need Alice," is all I said, pushing past him and into her room.

My best friend was still lying in bed, half awake, her short dark brown hair poking in all different directions.

"Bella, it's not even—"she turns her head to look at the clock, "nine am. What the hell? On a Saturday, Bells? Really?"

"Look," is all I say, shoving my hand into her face. She grabs my hand and squints at my engagement ring.

"Nice. Platinum setting, Emerald cut, 2 carats. Good job, Edward. Look Jas," Alice says, yelling to her boyfriend, "didn't Edward do a nice job with Bella's engagement ring?" Jasper had been planning on asking Alice for a while. He just hadn't gotten up the nerve yet.

"Yes he did, I was there when he picked it out."

"Hmph," is all Alice says.

"Is that why you woke us up at nine am?" Jasper asked, looking at me pointedly.

"No, I need to talk to Alice. Why don't you go find Edward? I think that he's PTing."

"Sure, Bells. But make it fast. Alice and I were, uh, in the middle of something."

Jasper pulled on some PT's and exited the room. Alice found a shirt and pulled it on, covering her lace clad breasts.

"Spill. What's wrong? And why the hell did you bother me on a Saturday morning right before I was going to have fantastic sex with my super-hot boyfriend?"

"He wants kids," I expelled through clenched teeth. "And he wants to get married, he wants ME to have HIS kids."

"So?" Alice replied. "You and Edward would have beautiful kids."

"That's not the point. I don't like children Alice. They smell. There messy. There expensive. I want a life. I want to travel. I don't want to be weighed down with children. That's like 18 years of your life, gone! And he wants more than one. I can't give him that."

"Did you tell him that?" she asked, she was going through her drawers looking for pants I assumed.

"Yes," I replied. "He backtracked and said that he just wanted me, that kids were a bonus. But I saw the look in his eyes, he wants children as much as I don't want children."

"He loves you," Alice said, pulling on her pants and pushing her feet into shoes. "Let's go smoke," she pulled me up and we headed outside to the front stoop of our dorm. Our boys know we smoke, and they don't like it, but they look the other way.

"You would never, ever, consider having children?" Alice said, taking a deep inhale of her cigarette and blowing out.

"No," I replied. "I have other things that I want to do. I want a career. I want to travel. I don't want messy, screaming children who drain the life out of you."

"There only messy and screaming for the first year or so," Alice replied, blowing another puff of smoke out. "If that's how you feel, then talk to Edward about it. But you know, Edward, would do anything for you. If you don't want children, I'm sure he wouldn't push you."

"Maybe you're right," I replied.

_**Present Day**_

_**Richmond, VA **_

"Did you take a test?" Rose asked, pouring some more wine into her glass.

I grabbed my purse and pulled the box that the test was in out of my purse, "not yet."

"What are you waiting for?" she asked, standing up and grabbing my arm to pull me up.

"I didn't want to do this by myself," I replied quietly.

"You don't have to," she said, leading me into the bathroom, "sit."

I sat down on the toilet seat and she took the directions out of the box.

"Have you missed a period?" she asked, looking at the directions.

"Yes," I replied.

"Has it been over four weeks?"

"Yes," I replied again.

"Any symptoms?" she asks.

"Morning sickness," I replied. "Tiredness. Sore breasts."

"Here," she says, handing me a stick, "pee on this." She hands me the test and I look at her.

"Really, Bells? You've seen me push a baby out of my hooha. I think I can handle you peeing on a stick." She just gave me a _look_, that look she had perfected for my brother, and I stood up, pulled my pants down and peed on the stick.

"Now what?" I ask, looking at her.

"Put it on the counter, it takes five minutes." I finished and pulled my pants up.

"Does Edward know?" Rose asked.

"No," I replied. "Edward is not even speaking to me right now."

"Uh huh, why now, Bella?"

"I told him to leave," I washed my hands and dried them.

"Why?"

"He signed on for two more years," I replied. "And we got in a fight. And he left. And now he's in Germany, injured and probably still mad at me."

"Wait," Rose said, putting her hand up, "Edward is injured?"

"Yeah," I replied. "The notification team came to the morgue today."

"Badly?" She asked.

"I'm not sure. They made it sound like it was minor, but they're shipping him home, so I don't know." I looked down at the test and saw it. The plus sign. The damn test was positive. Now what the hell would I do?

"You need to tell him," Rose said, picking the test up.

"I need to figure out what I'm going to do," I replied.

"What is there to do?" Rose replied. "You're having a baby," Rose said.

"I don't want a baby," I replied quietly, I looked at the carpet; I knew what Rose was going to say.

"You should've thought about that before you had unprotected sex," I knew that would be the answer. "You need to talk to Edward before you make any decisions."

"I don't want a baby," I repeated. "I don't like small children."

"You like EJ and Aaron," Rose replied.

"I can give them back," I replied.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do Bella, because truthfully, it's your decision. Yours and Edward's decision. But if you don't include Edward in this decision, he'll never forgive you."

She pulled me into her arms and gave me a hug. I loved my sister in law. I really did. I just needed to make a decision.

_**July 2006**_

_**Norfolk, VA**_

"Are you ok baby?" Edward asked, snuggling up against me. I could feel him poking my ass, but I didn't mind.

"Cramps," I replied. Edward and I had been together long enough to be able to talk about stuff like that.

"Anything that I can do to help," he asked. He was so sweet when I didn't feel good.

"Some tea, maybe?" I replied, turning towards him to try to get comfortable.

"Tea, ok, and maybe some Midol?"

"That would be nice," I replied.

A few minutes later I go up to go to the bathroom and almost passed out.

"EDWARD," I screamed, there was a large amount of blood in the toilet, with some really big clots that didn't at all look normal.

"What?" he said, pushing the door open to the bathroom and stopping in his tracks.

"I think—" I replied, "I think—I don't feel good."

"What's wrong baby?" he asked, kneeling down in front of me.

"I'm dizzy—Edward there's a lot of blood." I pointed to the toilet and watched him peek through my legs.

"That's a lot of blood, Bella. Is that—um—normal?"

"No, and my stomach feels like its ripping in two," Edward went out of the room and came back with my robe, some slippers and bed sheets.

"I'm taking you to the hospital," he said, wrapping the robe around me and putting my feet in the slippers.

"No," I replied. "I don't want to go to the hospital."

"You're going," he replied and he picked me up and carried me downstairs and placed me gently in the backseat of his car.

I could hear him talking but I wasn't sure who it was he was talking to, until we pulled up to the hospital and my brother and a very pregnant Rosalie met us at the entrance to the ED. He signed me in and then carried me over to a waiting room chair and placed me on his lap, safely ensconced in the sheets.

"Miss Swan," I heard someone yell, I tried to disentangle myself from the sheets, but was so dizzy that I tripped and landed on the floor.

"Here, Bells," Edward reached down and helped me up.

"This way," the nurse said. Edward carried me into the back of the ED and placed me on a bed indicated by the nurse.

"What's wrong today, hun?" the nurse said.

"Um, I'm having a really bad period. Horrible cramps, big clots, and lots of blood."

"Hmmm mmhh," she replied, writing continuously on a piece of paper. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-six, ma'am," Edward answered for me.

"Married?" the nurse asked again, looking at me.

"Engaged," I replied.

"Any chance you could be pregnant?" she asked, still looking at me.

"No," I replied. "I'm on the pill."

"Ok, well, we'll need a urine sample. And someone will come in and draw some blood."

"Ok," I replied again, curling up into the blanket that someone had covered me with.

After a few minutes I got the urge to pee and went to the bathroom to get my sample. When I came back there was a lab technician there to draw my blood. After she was done, I laid there for a few minutes, huddled under the covers. I was freezing. It was probably the copious amounts of blood that I lost. A few minutes after that the doctor came into the room to examine me.

He looked at Emmett and Rose and then towards Edward.

"Who's the fiancé?" He asked.

"I am," Edward said, standing up to shake his hand, "Lieutenant Cullen, Navy," Edward said shaking his hand vigorously.

"Dr. Banner, Civilian," he replied, shaking Edward's hand back. "If you two," he said, nodding towards Rose and Emmett, "wouldn't mind leaving, I need to do a vaginal exam."

"Um, he doesn't have to leave?" My brother asked, looking towards Edward.

"Lieutenant, do you want to leave?" Dr. Banner asked, turning his head towards Edward.

"No, I'm staying right here with Bella," Edward said, "Em, I don't think she'd want her brother here," Edward moved up towards my head and I saw Rose tug at Emmett's hand.

"He's right," I replied. "We'll be done here in a few minutes, Em. Then we can all go to breakfast."

"Ok," he said, grabbing Rose's hand and headed out the room.

"So," Dr Banner said, looking between the two of us, "when's the big day?"

"We haven't decided yet. I just graduated from school, and well, I'm not quite settled."

"What school?" The doctor asked. I noticed that he had pulled the stirrups out from underneath the table.

"VCU Medical School," I replied. I was suddenly hot and threw the blankets and sheets off of me.

"You're a doctor?" Dr. Banner asked. The nurse from earlier had walked back into the room.

"Yup," I replied.

"What kind?" He asked, "I'm going to need you to take your underwear off, and then slide your butt all the way down to the end of the table and put your legs in the stirrups."

"Pathology," I replied, doing as he instructed.

"Did you get her test results back?" Edward asked.

"This might be a little uncomfortable, Dr. Swan, but it won't take long," I felt him pushing his fingers in and investigating the insides of my body. I disliked vaginal exams and disliked going to the gynecologist.

"Did you know you were pregnant, Dr. Swan?"

"I'm sorry?" I said, stunned. "I can't be pregnant. I'm on the pill."

"The pill is only 99% accurate, and only when used correctly. And I don't think that you are anymore. What you are experiencing is a miscarriage. From your lab levels and uterus, you were about six weeks along. I'm sorry," he said standing up and helping me take my legs out of the stirrups.

"I'm—wait—the baby—miscarriage?" I could feel the tears starting in the corners of my eyes.

"I'm very sorry," the doctor said again, leaving the room with the nurse. "We'll give you a prescription for pain medication, and you'll have to see your regular doctor in a week to make sure that you expelled everything completely."

"Ok," I said, the tears slowly starting to trickle down my face. As soon as the doctor and nurse left the room, Edward gathered me into his arms and held me while I cried.

I was pregnant, and didn't even know it. I had been growing a baby inside of me, and now, it was, gone. I was still crying when the nurse came in with a prescription and discharge papers. Edward carried me out to his car and placed me in the back seat. A few minutes later, we were back at the BOQ and he carried me in, still wrapped in a robe and sheets.

"I'm sorry, baby." Edward whispered into my ear after putting me on his bed. "I'm sorry," he kissed my head and left me there, a minute later the doorbell rang and I could feel Emmett's booming voice.

"What the hell, Cullen?" I could hear him shout through the closed door.

"You knocked up my sister," I heard Emmett yell.

"She's on the pill, Em."

And then I heard Rose's voice, clear as day. "Both of you, shut up. Bella is sick and upset. Yes, she was pregnant. But she's not anymore. Yes, Emmett, your sister has sex with Edward.-You've known that for years. Stop treating her like she's fifteen, and be the sensitive, loving brother that Bella needs you to be."

It was quiet for a few second until the door was pushed open.

"Bella," it was Rose again.

"Yeah," I replied.

"You want some pain medicine," she asked, shaking the white pharmacy bag back and forth.

"Yeah," I said, pushing my hand out from underneath the blanket.

"Here's some orange juice," she handed me two pills and a glass of OJ and I swallowed them both at once.

"Thanks," I said.

She turned around and walked out the door, back to the living room. I laid there quietly, waiting for the medication to kick in, silently crying to myself.

I woke up a few hours later, with Edward spooning behind me, I attempted to move, but his arm was pinning me to the bed.

"Edward," I said, poking his arm.

"Hmmm," he replied.

"Edward," I said again, poking his arm.

"What?"

"I have to pee, move your arm."

"I'll help you," he said, getting up and coming over to the other side of the bed before I could even sit up.

"I can pee by myself," I replied.

"The doc said you might be dizzy, just let me help you."

I gave in and let him help me. He stood with me while I went to the bathroom, and then helped me back to bed.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said, not able to look at him.

"Why?" he asked, again kneeling down in front of me.

"I know you wanted kids, and I'm sorry," I started to cry again, the tears pouring out of my eyes.

"It's ok, Bella. In a little while, after we get married, we'll talk about it. Maybe try."

"Ok," I replied. "I changed my mind Edward. I do want your baby," I was blowing my nose on toilet paper, the tears flowing freely from my eyes.

"I want yours too," Edward replied. He helped me up and back to bed and then snuggled with me for the rest of the day.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Edward," and I was fast asleep.

_**Present Day**_

_**Richmond, VA**_

I woke up the next day a little dazed and confused. I wasn't really sure where I was.

"Aunt Bella," I heard the loudest voice in the universe screech into my ear. "You're still here," I peeled back one eyelid to find my nephew, Aaron, standing about two inches from my face.

"Leave Aunt Bella alone, Aaron. She's tired and needs sleep."

"He's just excited to see me," I replied, sitting up and stretching. I walked over to Rose and grabbed a coffee mug and reached for the coffee pot.

"Ow," I said as Rose smacked my hand away. "Yours is over there. I made you decaf."

"Ew," I replied. "I hate decaf."

"It's the best thing for you, in your 'condition'," she wiggled her eye brows at me when she said that.

"Whatever," I decided to forgo my coffee and reached for OJ instead.

"Well?" Rose asked.

"Well, what Rose?"

"Did you decide?"

"Do you remember the miscarriage?" I asked.

"Of course. I had EJ a month later. Emmett was pissed at Edward."

"I promised Edward we'd have children. I just remembered last night. I dreamed about that day. About us. About how upset Edward was. He would be happy for me. And I want this. I want this with Edward. I have a career, Edward has a career. We can afford children. It's the right decision.

Rose pulled me into her arms and gave me a big hug.

I was going to have a baby.

Now I'd have to tell Edward. And Esme.


	5. Bam, Whoosh, Bang

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight. But if I did, I would quit my job so I don't have to deal with my daughter's bus driver every day. I'm convinced that woman hates me. **

**Beta'd by fuzzyltlwingedthing, Lila. **

**Reviewers get blow pops or Halloween shaped Fruit snacks. Your pick!**

**October 2011**

Landstuhl Regional Medical Center

Landstuhl, Rhineland-Palatinate, Germany

**EPOV**

_Boom_

_Click, click, click_

"_Watch out for her."_

"_Love her."_

_Whoosh_

_Bam, bam, bam._

"_Tell her I'm proud." _

_Bam, bam, bam._

"_Don't give up on her." _

"_Stop talking and rest."_

"_Kiss my boys."_

"_Take a deep breath." _

"_Tell Rose I love her."_

"Commander?"

I felt like I was floating just below the surface of a pool. Everything was foggy and unfocused. I saw the uneven, watery face, only a few feet from my own.

"Commander?" I heard again.

"Commander Cullen?" The watery face finally came in a little closer and I was face to face with ice blue eyes. I didn't recognize them. They weren't the brown ones I was hoping for.

"Lieutenant," I replied.

"I'm a civilian," she replied, looking back at me.

"No, I'm a Lieutenant. You called me Commander Cullen. It's Lieutenant Cullen."

"I was told you were a Commander," she replied, looking at me again. She was further away and a little blurry. I was concerned that my vision seemed blurry. It shouldn't be blurry. I had 20/20 vision.

"I'm a Lieutenant. Lieutenant Edward Cullen, US Navy."

"Tonya," she replied, "I'm your nurse."

"Nurse?" I replied, looking at her confused.

"Yes, nurse," she replied, fiddling with something next to me. I could barely see her in my periphery.

"Where am I?" I asked.

"Germany," she replied, still fiddling with something.

"How'd I get here?" I asked.

"You were injured," she replied, moving from the side of the bed to stand in front of me.

"Where?" I asked. I didn't remember getting hurt. The last thing I remembered was talking to Emmett in a building in Fallujah.

"You broke your legs, fell during a mission and injured your chest, head and abdomen."

"Where's Emmett?" I asked. There's no way he'd leave me in a hospital bed alone.

"I don't know who Emmett is, sir. Do you know what year it is?" she asked, looking at me.

"2006," I replied, positive of my answer.

"I'm sorry sir, but that answer is incorrect."

"Then what year is it?" I asked.

"2011," she replied.

I looked down at my left hand and realized something else.

"Where's my wedding band?" I asked. Bella was going to be pissed that I lost it.

"I don't know, sir," she replied again. She was walking around the room, doing what, I didn't quite know.

"Do you think that you can find it, my wife will be very upset with me if I've lost it," I said to her. She didn't seem to care.

"Sir, as far as I know, you're not married," she replied.

"Excuse me?" I asked, looking at her, I shook my head, trying to clear the haze that was clouding my vision.

"They told us you weren't married," she replied.

"Well," I said, pulling a pillow to my side, "if it's 2011 like you say it is, I should have a wedding band. Bella and I were engaged; surely we'd be married by now."

"I just go by what I was told, sir," she replied, walking around the room some more.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked again.

"I don't know who Emmett is, sir, I'll be back in a minute." She walked out of the room and disappeared behind the wooden door of the hospital room. I looked down at my blanket covered legs and realized that, try as I might, I couldn't move them. I looked at both of my arms and saw that one was casted. It didn't seem to hurt. I could feel something sticking in my chest, and it was really painful. I pulled my gown back to reveal some sort of tube going into my chest.

"What the hell," I thought to myself. I saw an ace wrap around my torso and could see little bandages all over my upper chest. I had no clue what the hell had happened to me.

I pulled up my gown a little and pushed the covers back to reveal my groin and legs. I could see a catheter sticking out from between my legs and realized that was the weird sensation was in my groin. I hated catheters. I looked at my legs and took in a deep breath that motion sent a sharp pain through my chest and I instantly regretted it.

Both of my legs casted in white plaster casts. That would explain why I couldn't move them. I could see my toes sticking out of the end of them, I couldn't move those either. I moved my good arm, my left arm, to look for a call bell to get the nurse. I needed some pain medicine and an explanation. I needed to know where Emmett was, where my wife was, and why the hell I wasn't home.

"Can I help you?" I heard a voice say through the box sitting next to me.

"I need some pain medicine." I sat there for about two minutes, just taking everything in. The monitor measuring out my heart beat, the clock ticking away the minutes, the TV flashing images.

"You want something for pain, Commander?" Tonya came back into the room, with a vial and a syringe in her hand.

"Can I talk to a doctor?" I asked.

"Sure, I've already paged Dr. Newton to discuss your injuries with you."

"Why do you keep on calling me Commander? I'm a Lieutenant."

"No, sir, I checked your chart. You're Commander Edward Cullen, US Navy, Commander of Seal Team Six, based out of Norfolk, VA and you're not married."

I sat there watching the nurse thinking about what she had just told me. She answered none of my questions.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked again. I saw the nurse push a needle into a vial and then push it into my IV. A minute later I felt a tingling sensation all over my body.

"I don't know who Emmett is. You have a Lieutenant Black waiting for you, he says he's your XO," she pushed a few more buttons on the machine next to me.

"I don't know anyone named Lieutenant Black. Emmett McCarty, Lieutenant Emmett McCarty is my XO. Where's the doctor?" Right after I spoke a guy who looked barely old enough to be working walked into the room.

"Commander," he said, he had a thick chart in his hands. I presumed it was mine.

"Yes," I replied, cocking an eyebrow at him.

"Tonya tells me you're a little confused," he pulled a chair that was sitting in the corner up to my bed and sat down.

"Uh huh, who are you?" I ask, still looking at him funny. He was a blurry mess of white.

"Dr. Newton, US Army," he replied pushing his hand out for me to shake.

I pushed my hand towards his and grabbed it, shaking it tightly.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked honestly. I needed to know what the deal was. I was as confused as to what happened and how I ended up here.

"From what Lieutenant Black told me, you were on a mission in Pakistan, took heavy fire, and as you were retreating, you fell through a hole in the floor and broke both your legs. Lt Black and another member pulled you out and carried you to safety."

"How long have I been here?" I asked. Bella and my mom had to be worried horribly.

"Almost a month," he replied.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked.

"Honestly Commander Cullen, I don't know. I've never met an Emmett. Only Lieutenant Black."

I could feel my eyelids get heavy and start to flutter. I don't remember falling asleep.

But I do remember the dream.

**Richmond, VA **

**BPOV**

It had been a week since I found out that I was pregnant. A week since I'd heard about Edward. I hadn't heard anything else and wanted to go and see him, but hadn't obtained permission yet.

I'd talked to Esme every day, she was waiting to hear back from the Commander that had visited her regarding going to Edward. I hadn't gotten up the nerve to tell her. I was scared. I knew she'd be thrilled and I'd be forced into thinking about this sooner that I wanted to. I wanted to ignore it for another month or so—and I knew that if I told her that would be an impossibility.

"You need to go to the doctor," Rose told me one night while we were talking on the phone.

"I know," I replied. I'd been trying to avoid that. I didn't want to go.

"You need prenatal vitamins," she replied. I could hear the urgency in her voice and I knew that she was right.

"I know," I replied. "I'm going to make an appointment; I just haven't gotten around to it."

"Are you scared to go?" she asked, I could hear the kids yelling in the background, probably at each other.

"A little," I replied. "I'm—I'm not sure if I can do this."

"Do what? Go to the doctor or be a parent?"

"Both, but mostly a parent…"

"You're scared," she said, reading my mind.

"I don't want to do this by myself," I pushed my finger in to my mouth, chewing on a cuticle.

"You won't be by yourself."

"Yes, I will."

"No, you won't. You have Edward—"

"Who's never home?" I yelled angrily into the phone.

"You have Esme," she said. "Boys, hush, I'm on the phone," I heard her yell.

"I should call her," I said, talking mostly to myself.

"Yeah, you should. But I think that you should do it after you make your appointment, then she can come with you." I was again eating my cuticles. I couldn't help it. I chewed on them when I was nervous.

"I'll make an appointment tomorrow," I replied. "I'm tired; I need to head to bed."

"Good night, Bells. We love you."

"I love you too, Rose." I pushed the disconnect button on my phone and got myself ready for bed.

Rose was right. I needed to see a doctor. Get started on some vitamins. I need to tell Esme, and eventually Edward. I needed to see him. I had an overwhelming urge to call him on the phone and talk to him. But I had no clue how to get a hold of him, where to call him.

I admitted it to myself, I missed him. I really, really missed him.

**EPOV**

"_I love you," I kissed her, knowing it would be a while before I saw her again._

"_I love you, too, and so does he," she said, pointing to her protruding stomach._

"_Both of you need to stay safe," she said, pulling me back to her and kissing me deeply. _

"_We will," I looked to my left and saw a very pregnant Rose kissing Emmett._

_I had no clue where we were._

_I reached my hand out to Bella, needing to feel her one last time before I left, I tried to grab her and as I made contact with her, she disappeared and was replaced by a bleeding Emmett._

"_Keep her safe, love her," he said to me, disappearing again into the mist._

"Bella," I moaned softly.

"Commander?" I heard someone say.

I opened my eyes again, remembering that I was in a hospital. That I was injured.

"Water," I said hoarsely and quickly a straw was pressed to my mouth. "Thank you," I replied, swallowing deeply.

"I'm Angela, your nurse," I heard the woman say.

"Edward," I replied. "What time is it?"

"About two a.m.," she replied. "Are you having any pain?"

"Yeah," I said, "why are you so blurry?" I asked.

"I'm blurry?" she asked, she moved to the side of the bed and pushed the bell sitting next to me.

"Can I help you?" the voice said. It seemed really loud in the quiet room.

"Can you send Dr. Newton in?" I heard her say.

"Commander Cullen, do you know where you are?" she asked. I tried to focus on her face. She was still blurry. I could tell that she had dark hair and was wearing glasses, but I couldn't make out any specific features.

"A hospital," I said.

"Do you remember where?" she asked. No, I had no fucking clue where the hell I was. Just that I was in the hospital.

"No," I replied honestly.

"Are you having any pain?" she asked.

"Not currently. Where's Emmett?" I asked.

"I don't know who Emmett is, sir," I could see her moving around but it was still all a blur.

"Can I call my fiancé?" I asked.

"Um, let me ask the doctor." I saw her walk out of the room and a few minutes went by. I couldn't reach the room phone and I had no clue where my cell was. Maybe it was with Emmett.

"Commander Cullen, you're awake," I heard a voice say. I didn't recognize him.

"And you are?" I ask, trying my hardest to look at the man.

"Dr. Newton, we met earlier."

"We did?" I ask, because honestly I didn't remember this man one bit.

"Yes, we did. Do you remember earlier?" He was looking at me, but again, he wasn't clear.

"No. Look, do you know why you're all blurry? Did I hit my head?"

"Yes. You fell about 12 feet and landed on your legs. Then hit your head. Do you remember anything?"

"No. Look, can I call my Bella? She's probably worried sick about me."

"I'll call her from the nurses' station, and transfer the call in here. You can't dial out from this phone. After your call, I'm going to have to do some more tests, so it's going to have to be quick. I would like to do some more tests, now that you're awake."

"Ok," I replied.

"Angela, can you wait here, and I'll put the call through."

"Sure," she said, moving towards the counter.

**Richmond, VA**

**BPOV**

I heard my phone ringing and looked at the caller ID. It was from an unknown caller, but with Edward in another country, there was a strong possibility that it was him or someone from the hospital, or the Commander with news about Edward.

"Hello," I said. I was nervous. My stomach was tying itself in knots. I was sitting in bed; I had been ready to go to sleep.

"Miss Swan?" The voice in the other end was unfamiliar.

"This is Bella Swan," I replied. I sat myself up in bed and propped some pillows behind my back.

"This is Dr. Michael Newton, I'm a staff physician at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, I'm calling about your—actually, let's start right there—Commander Cullen, what's your relation?"

"He's my—"I took a deep breath, if he didn't know what 'I was', then that means Edward didn't know what I was. "Fiancé," I went for what was easiest. That decision might come back to bite me in the ass. "Is he ok?" I ask, not sure I really want to know the answer.

"He's in the ICU. We've had him in a medically induced coma for the past three weeks. We took his sleeping medication away today to see how he would wake up. He's a little confused."

"About?" I asked.

"Everything. He seems to think it's 2006. He keeps on asking for someone named Emmett. And you. He seems to think you're married."

"He's asking for Emmett?" I took in a deep breath, surprised to hear that.

"Do you know who that is?" the doctor asked me.

"Yeah, he's my brother, actually my half-brother, we share mothers, but my father raised him," I was rambling. I rambled when I got nervous. I wiped my hands over my eyeballs, trying to wake myself up.

"Where is he, could I talk to him?" he asked.

"He's in plot 1752 at Arlington National Cemetery. He was killed five years ago in Afghanistan."

"Oh," was all the doctor had to say.

"He was Edward's teammate. Edward was there when he died. Held him while he bled to death. He never really got over it. And he never really talks about it."

"He's asking for him. Convinced that Emmett is alive. He wants to talk to him."

"Why does he think its 2006?" I asked.

"I'm not sure ma'am. He's experiencing signs of amnesia. When he was told it was 2011 he asked where his wedding band was, because he should've been married by now. We told him we didn't know."

"We're engaged," I lied again. I knew that once Edward found out about the baby, that we'd be back together. He wasn't the kind of guy to leave a pregnant woman. "Getting married, soon."

"He wants to talk to you," I heard the doctor say.

"Can I—I need to talk to him. Please—I've been waiting for weeks to hear from him."

"Hold on a minute—I'm going to transfer the call to his room," I waited for a few seconds as I heard several clicks and then a ring.

"Commander Cullen's room," I heard a female voice say.

"This is Bella," I replied, "can I speak to Edward?"

"Certainly, hold please."

"Bella?"

"Edward? Is that really you?" I couldn't believe it was him, he sounded tired. But it was him. I would know the deep tenors of his voice anywhere. Hearing him say my name sent shivers down my spine.

"Baby," it sounded like he was crying. "It's really me."

And that's when I knew, that no matter what, this would work. I would do anything to keep him.


	6. All I want for Christmas is a Boyfriend

**A/N: I am sorry that this has taken so long to get done. I have been super busy and well the holidays sucked. That about sums it up, this has been sitting in my inbox, beta'd by the lovely, fuzyltlwingedthing, since December 26th. I'm just a slacker.**

Not for Now, but For Eternity

Chapter Six: All I want for Christmas is a Boyfriend.

#$%^#%$^%#%$^*(#%&$*()&%^*($&^$*()&^*)(#$&%*()$&%*($&%*()#&$*()^#$&*%^(*#$^_*$_)#*$)(^*($_^*#$(_*^(_)

"Dr. Swan, Dr. Green will see you now," Rosalie and I stood up and followed the nurse into an examination room.

"Bells," Peter Green, a guy I had been friends with since the first day of medical school, gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Peter, it's nice to see you." I hugged him back.

"Hop up on the table and we'll chat. Who's this lovely lady?" He said, turning towards Rosalie.

"Rosalie McCarty, Bella's sister in law." She extended her hand and he shook it.

"Nice to meet you," he replied.

"It's nice to meet you," Rose replied.

I was sitting on the table when the door opened and a nurse slipped in.

"Dr. Swan, there's a woman here to see you….." she looked nervous; she was chewing on her lip and playing with the hem of her scrub top.

"Is it Esme?" I had invited her to come to the appointment, but didn't tell her why.

"It's a Mrs. Cullen," she replied, still chewing on her lip.

"She can come in," I replied. Esme walked in and I motioned for her to have a seat next to me. Rose stood at my side.

"I'm Dr. Green," Peter said, reaching his hand out to Esme.

"Esme Cullen," she replied, grasping Peter's hand gently.

"So," Peter said, "Now that everyone is here I'll go over your lab results, but I'm sure you know most of it already. Then we'll get to the fun part, ultrasound."

"Your HCG levels show that your about 13 weeks along. You wrote down that you thought you conceived in September. That was only ten weeks ago. Either you have your dates wrong, you have a lot of HCG floating around in your body, or there is more than one baby in there."

"You're pregnant?" Esme said gasping and putting her hands to her mouth.

"You didn't tell her?" Rose whisper yelled and put her hands on her hips. I may have told Rosalie that I had told Esme _the news. _Oops.

"She's having twins?" Were the next words out of Esme's mouth?

"No, I didn't say that. I just said that her HCG levels are elevated, and there are multiple reasons for that, one of them is twins."

"I'm not having twins," I said. "There is not enough space in this body for two 'Edward-sized' babies.

"You'd be surprised Bella, I've seen—

I interrupted Peter, "Can we just do that ultrasound?"

"Sure, slip this gown on, take your panties off; we're going to have to do a transvaginal ultrasound."

Peter got up and walked out the door and I slipped my shirt off and put the gown on.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier, Bella?" Esme asked. "Does Edward know?"

"No, Edward doesn't know. And I had to figure out what to do."

"What do you mean, 'figure out what to do'?" Esme asked, using air quotes.

"She wasn't sure if she—"

"Shut up, Rose." I said. "I had just found out that Edward was injured. I just started a new career. I wasn't sure if I was ready to be a parent, especially when my partner is all over the place. I just—I didn't want to do this by myself."

"A new career? Carlisle and I tried for years to have children. We had all but given up. And then I got pregnant, and had Edward. And you couldn't decide what you wanted to do? Really? For your damn career!"

"It wasn't like that—"

"Then what was it Bella?"

"He's never home. He never puts me first. It's always the damn Navy. We would never be 'first,' we'd always be an afterthought. I love him, a lot. But it's hard loving him. It's hard being alone when he always has to go places. I don't want to be a single parent."

"Puts you first? He's defending our country, your country. Keeping you safe! So _you_ have the damn right to make a decision about killing children. And working. And having a career. He got hurt because you turned him down, again. Because you're too stubborn and self-centered to think about anyone but yourself. Edward has turned down assignments for you. Declined promotions so he could stay on the East Coast, with you. He did that for you. He loves you Bella, more than he should—"

"Can I come in?" I heard Peter say as he knocked on the door.

"No," Esme said while I said, "yes."

"You ready Bella?"

"Yes," I replied. He pushed a machine in and a woman followed behind. Esme found a seat in the corner and steamed a little.

"This is Jessica, the ultrasound tech, she's going to help me out."

"Hi," we all mumbled.

"Mrs. Swan, if you'll just scoot down until your feet are in the stirrups," I scooted my butt down until I was practically falling off the table and put my feet into the stirrups. I saw the ultrasound tech slip what looked like a condom onto the probe and bathed it in a clear ultrasound jelly.

"We try to keep it warm, but it may be cold." She slipped the probe in and I looked towards Esme. She had her eyes fixated on the TV screen.

"Is that the baby?" Esme asked, looking at the screen.

"No, that's an ovary. We're going to look at both Bella's reproductive organs and the baby, to make sure that everything is ok." She maneuvered the probe around and pointed with her other hand.

"That's the gestational sac," I looked at the screen and saw what the ultrasound tech was pointing at. "And there's the heartbeat." She turned the volume up so we could hear it's little heart beating and I think that my own heart stopped.

"Why does it sound it like that?" I asked, "like a gallop, shouldn't it be a swishing noise?" I wasn't an obstetrician, but I had done an OBGYN rotation and knew it was supposed to be a swishing noise.

The ultrasound tech was quiet for another minute, not answering the question that I had asked her.

She was making me nervous.

"And here's the other—"

"I swear to God, if you tell me I'm having twins I will slap you," I said, looking at the screen, not wanting to believe what I was seeing. I was going to beat the crap out of Edward.

"Bella," Peter said in a warning voice. He grabbed for my hand and squeezed it.

"Um," Jessica said, clearing her throat, "you're having twins," she said quietly.

I had seen it on the screen. Seen the two sacs and two heartbeats.

"Twins?" Esme said, looking between Mike and I. "I'm getting two grandbabies at once?"

Jessica nodded her head as I just sat there, staring at the screen. My ears were ringing and my mouth was dry.

I was having twins.

I had a sudden wave of nausea and before I could warn anyone, or control it, I vomited all over Jessica.

"I'm sorry," I said wiping my mouth off. I handed her the paper sheet that had been covering my legs and then realized that she probably didn't want something that had been near my hooha.

"I'm sorry," I said again, not sure what to do. Jessica was just sitting there, covered in vomit, not moving.

I was having twins.

Now I really needed to tell Edward and fast.

********Two Weeks Later*******

**Edward**

"Hey baby," I said into the phone. The doctor had told me that I would be able to come home right before Christmas.

I couldn't wait to be back with Bella.

"Hey honey," Bella replied.

"I'm coming home soon," I said. I ran my hand through my hair, it had gotten long since I'd been in the hospital and it desperately needed a trim.

"I need to tell you something," Bella said. I could see her chewing on her fingers, a nervous habit of hers. She sounded extremely nervous. I didn't know why.

"Ok." I replied.

"We had a fight," she said. "Before you left. We had a huge fight. I told you not to come back. And then you left. And got hurt. It's my fault you're hurt. I'm so sorry Edward."

"It's not your fault, Bella." I knew about the fight. I had listened to all my voice mail messages the week before. They had started out kinda mean:

"Edward, its Bella. This is ridiculous. You better call me. Don't expect to come back into this house unless you call me. I mean it Edward."

There had been a few like that, I could tell that Bella was mad, and confused as to where I had gone.

"Edward, its Bella. Please call me. I'm worried. I hope you didn't go on a mission mad at me. I'm sorry. Please, please call me."

That was voicemail number six. I got a few of those too.

"Edward, it's me. Please call me. I love you. I know you love me. I'm sorry for saying what I did and I hope that you're ok. Please call me. I'm not going to beg. But, please, please. I love you. Call me. I'm worried. I love you and I miss you. Bye baby."

That had been the last one she left. The day before the accident.

"I know about the argument, Bella. It's not your fault. It's my job."

"How do you know?" she asked. She blew out a breath and I heard it vibrate into the phone.

"I listened to the 50 voicemail messages you left," I replied simply.

"And you're not mad at me?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"I was, initially. But Bella, that's us. We fight. Everyone does. No couple is completely happy. They argue. And people who say they don't are full of shit. Or leaving in some alternate reality. Love is passionate. And with passion comes disagreement."

"I love you," Bella replied. "But I have something else that I need to tell you."

"What? I asked.

"Remember how I told you that I wasn't feeling well? That I thought that I had food poisoning?"

"Yes," I replied. I didn't think that Bella had food poisoning. I had a sneaking suspicion that she was pregnant, but I wasn't sure. There was something in her voice, and her temperament over the phone, and all the other 'illnesses' that she had told me about over the past few weeks, that made me think she was pregnant.

"I didn't have food poisoning. I'm pregnant." She didn't say anything for a minute and neither did I.

"Please don't be mad," she said after a while. "I know that it wasn't planned and you're hurt and in a foreign country. But, it's happening. I love them already."

"Them?" I swallowed audibly, my mouth suddenly very dry.

"I'm having twins. I went to the doctor two weeks ago. I know that I should've told you sooner. I was trying to work up the nerve and well I had to get used to the idea that I was having two babies and I'm concerned because Esme told me that you were nine pounds and Edward I can't handle two nine pound babies, and I know that the chance of twins being nine pounds is unlikely, but I really don't want to have a natural delivery because I saw that when I was in medical school and almost vomited from-,"

"Bella," I yelled into the phone. "Stop talking and breathe. You're rambling. Start from the beginning."

"I got sick, the day I found out that you were injured. Well, I assumed it was because you were injured. And then I remembered that I was in the process of changing the birth control pill that I was on and that I hadn't taken a pill in over a month when you came home. And we had sex. And that got me to thinking that maybe I was pregnant."

She took a deep breath and exhaled into the phone.

"And then I called Rose because I couldn't call you. I bought a test and went to her house. That test was positive. So then I made an appointment with Peter Green—your remember Peter, right? You met him once at a party that we went to when I was in medical school. We started together. He's my obstetrician. Well then I went to him to confirm that I was indeed pregnant. And my blood test was positive. And he wanted to do an ultrasound then, but I wanted to tell you and Esme. So I waited another week."

"So, Mom knows?" I said. I hoped that she wasn't upset with me.

"Yeah. She was there when I had the ultrasound. The heartbeat sounded funny to me. It was because the babies are practically in sync and instead of a swishing sound we were hearing a gallop noise, their hearts are beating one right after the other."

"But they're ok?" I asked, I was concerned for my unborn children.

"Yes. You can't see much. But they are beautiful already."

"Are you ok with this?" I asked. Bella had told me once that she never wanted children. That she didn't have that parenting instinct.

"Yes," she replied. "I want this. I'm just so nervous. I don't want to screw this up."

"You won't screw this up. You're going to be a great mom."

"When are you coming home? The doctor said by Christmas and that's like three weeks away."

"Soon. I'll have to go to outpatient rehab. They took the chest tube out and I feel so much better. My memory is still spotty and I have no recollection of the incident. But I remember everything up to the accident."

"That's good baby. I miss you so much."

"Me too, Bella. Me too."

*****Christmas Eve 2011*****

**Bella—15 weeks pregnant.**

I was nervous. Edward would be here any minute.

I was getting fat. I could only assume that the babies were getting big. I was so happy to be in the second trimester, my morning sickness had ended about a month ago. In exchange, I was really flipping hungry all the time.

And that's how Edward and his entourage found me.

Stuffing a soft pretzel, loaded with mustard, into my mouth.

It took both hands to shove that thing into my mouth.

But it was so worth it.

I had just gulped down a gallon of water and I knew that I would have to pee sooner than later.

"Bella," Edward yelled. I was midswallow. I could see him just beyond the security gate.

Esme and I got up and waited patiently for him to come through security.

He was being pushed by a Navy Corpsman and his legs were in some sort of bendable casts.

I ran to him and hugged him as soon as he was through that gate. If his legs hadn't been broken, I would've sat on his lap and stayed there all day.

But I didn't want to reinjure his legs.

I was, after all, the size of a small mule.

"Baby," I said, kissing him gently. I heard someone clear their throat and for a minute, forgot that Esme was there.

"Mom," Edward said. Esme walked over and gave Edward a hug.

"I'm so ready to go home," he said, looking at the two of us.

"Dr. Swan?" I heard someone say and turned around to see a Navy Commander walking towards me.

"Commander LaHote, I believe we've spoken on the phone," he pushed his hand out to shake mine and I grasped it gently.

"Bella," I said.

"Paul," he replied. "You'll be taking the Commander home, correct?"

"Yes, I am." There was no way that he was going anywhere but home.

"I have here a list of his medications and his dressing change information. I also have his follow-up information, and what time he has to be at rehab on Monday. I'm sorry we couldn't get him home sooner, but it just wasn't a possibility."

"I'll look all this over and he'll be there Monday."

"Do you have someone to help you?" Paul asked looking at me, obviously realizing I was pregnant.

"Will I need help?" I asked.

"Well, Dr. Swan, you're obviously pregnant and Edward weighs a lot. I wouldn't want you to injure yourself or the baby. He'll need help getting out of his wheelchair, bathing, going to the bathroom, getting in the car and to his appointments. What happens if he falls?"

"His mom will help me. She lives close by."

He looked over towards Esme who was talking to Edward and the Navy Corpsman.

"She weighs what, 110 pounds soaking wet? She'd be able to get her 200 pound son off the ground? I don't think so. Let the Navy help you. We want to help you. We can send you help."

"I'm not sure how Edward would feel about that," he'd never been a fan of other people helping him. He always wanted to be the helper.

"He knows he's going to need help. That corpsman is already assigned to him. Just let him know when you need him to come and he will."

"Thank you," I knew I would need the help. I just didn't want to admit it.

They collected his bag and a few minutes later we were headed to my apartment, the corpsman and Edward seated in the back of Esme's Mercedes. Esme and the corpsman, who I found out was named Zack, helped Edward into the house and onto my bed.

"Do you need anything else, ma'am?" Zack asked.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you for all of your help."

"Can you call a cab for me?" he asked, "I haven't got a cell phone yet."

"Nonsense," Esme said, "I'll drive you. Where are you staying?"

"At the Holiday Inn. Until they can find me more permanent housing."

"Goodnight Bells. Call me if you need anything. And don't try to lift him or help him. If you need help, call me immediately. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Esme," I hugged her and she patted my stomach.

"Bella," I was barely awake. Teetering on the edge of conscious and unconscious when I heard my name being called.

"Bella," I heard it again. I knew that voice.

It was Edward.

"I'm awake," I said, looking over at him. "What's wrong baby?"

"I have to pee," he said, " and I can't find my urinal. Can you find it?"

I knew where I had put it the night before and ran to get it. A minute later he had relieved his bladder and we were lying side by side in the bed. His hand resting on my slightly protruding stomach.

"Bella, why didn't you put your Christmas tree up?" Edward asked, quietly rubbing his hand back and forth.

"I tried," I replied, "but I couldn't get the damn thing to stay upright. You know I had issues with that last year."

"Yeah, I remember. I guess its ok. But next year, we're going to have a humongous tree."

"We can't fit a humongous tree in here, Edward. It's a one bedroom apartment. I haven't even figured out where I'm going to put the cribs yet."

"Here? No, we're not bringing them here. This place isn't big enough for four people, Bella. It's barely big enough for the two of us. We're going to have to find a house."

"A house?" I gulped. I hadn't lived in a house since I moved out of my parents' house almost a decade ago.

"Did you think we'd be living here?" he asked, chuckling.

"I thought I'd be living here, yes. I thought you'd be in the BOQ, and here on the weekends. Like always."

"I don't think I'm going back to the Navy, Bella," he said quietly.

"What?" I replied surprised he would say that.

"I don't think I'm going back to the Navy. Or rather, I don't think that the Navy is going to ask for me back. I was very badly injured, Bella. I can't be a SEAL anymore. I have metal in my leg. I won't be in the Navy if I can't be a SEAL. And besides, if I did stay in the Navy, we'd get a house on base, I have a housing allowance that I can use. I won't be separated from you or our future children again. As soon as I can walk, we're getting married. And I don't want to hear any arguments. You will be a Cullen before you have those children."

"But, Edward."

"Don't argue with me, Bella. It's not up for debate."

"But, Edward, I mean—"

"Stop," Edward said putting his lips to mine.

"What will you do?" I was worried. I couldn't afford a house on my salary, in addition to my student loans, and if Edward wasn't in the Navy he wouldn't have a job.

"I was offered a job in 'security advising,' six months ago. I turned them down, but they told me if I reconsidered, to call them. They're located in Richmond. I'm going to look into that."

"Really?" I asked stunned.

"Really," he said, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. He started to kiss me, and I knew, before it went any farther, that he had to stop.

"We have to stop," I said between kisses.

"Why?" He asked, teasing my lips with his tongue

"Because you're not cleared to have sex yet and if we don't stop, that's what we'll be doing."

"Who says I can't have sex?" Edward asks, pulling my shirt up and attacking my breasts.

"Dr. Newton, and the US Navy," I replied. A moan escaped my lips and I knew I was about to break the first rule Commander LaHote had told me to follow.

"He's not here to stop me," Edward replied, still kissing my breasts.

An hour later, and after some very interesting positioning, I emerged from the bedroom to find Esme standing in my living room. I hoped she hadn't heard anything. I may have been a little loud. It had been months since I felt Edward. I couldn't help myself, and neither could Edward.

"Mornin'," I said, running my hands through my hair.

"Mornin'," she replied, taking her coat off and hanging it in the closet by the door.

"Jasper and Alice are right behind me," Esme replied.

"Fantastic. Can you help me with Edward?" I asked, he wanted to get up and come into the living room.

"Jasper is going to help," Alice replied, walking in with a handful of gift bags.

Jasper followed Esme into the bedroom just as my doorbell rang.

As least someone knew how to use the doorbell.

It was Rose.

"Good morning, Bella," she said cheerily as she carried in more gifts and placed them under the poinsettia I had put on the floor with a few decorations on it.

"Aunt Bella," Annaliese, EJ and Aaron all said simultaneously. They finished hugging me just as Edward rolled out of the bedroom.

"UNCLE EDWARD," they all yelled and ran towards him.

"Careful," I shouted. He embraced them and had a huge smile on his face.

He rolled over to the couch and I sat down next to him as close as I could.

We took turns opening gifts and soon, I was opening my first gift from Alice.

"I don't get it," I said, looking at super small t-shirt with the words, 'World's Greatest Aunt', on it.

"It's a onesie," she said smiling a big, cheesy smile at me.

"I know what it is. Why are you giving it to me?"

"Because you're the World's Greatest Aunt," she said, still smiling like the Cheshire cat at me.

"This won't fit me."

"Alice," Jasper said, looking from me to her and back to me. "Just tell her. Pregnancy brain is obviously affecting her critical thinking skills."

"I'm pregnant. Jasper and I found out a few weeks ago. Annaliese has been bursting to tell you, but we made her wait. I'm surprised she didn't spill. Or self-destruct."

"Congrats," I said walking over to hug her. Alice and Jasper had a long struggle with second child infertility and I was glad she was pregnant again.

"We're due about a month after you," she said.

"Congratulations guys," Edward said.

"My turn," Edward said. "Bella and I are getting married."

Rose and Alice and the kids seemed surprised. Jasper and Esme did not.

"Like, for real this time, or will this be like the other times?" Alice asked. I didn't blame her for her doubt.

"As soon as I can make it down the aisle, and before Bella gives birth."

"So, within the next five months? Probably sooner because of the twins?"

"Something like that," Edward replied.

We spent the rest of the day opening Christmas presents. There were a lot of gifts exchanged and by the end of the day, I was ready for a long night of sleep. Jasper and Esme helped me get Edward back to bed.

"I spoke to Zack earlier today, and he will meet us here in the morning with a vehicle to take Edward to rehab."

"Ok, that sounds good. I'll see you in the morning. I'm so tired and I'm sure Edward is already fast asleep."

"Good night Bella." I walked to the bathroom and after taking a long shower, slipped into bed next to Edward.

It was all going to be ok.

I just had to tell myself that.

Edward would walk.

I would deliver healthy babies.

We would survive.


	7. And Then There was Four

**Not for Now, but for Eternity**

**Chapter Seven: And Then There was Four.**

**Special Thanks to my beta, fuzzyltlwingedthing (Lila).**

**This is the last chapter. The next chapter posted will be the Epilogue.**

**Please see the end for an important author's note.**

**I don't own Twilight. We all know who does.**

**Bella-25 weeks pregnant**

Edward was walking with the help of a walker. I was huge—the amount of baby I had in me was disproportionate to the amount of 'me' I had available. I was uncomfortable and huge, and more than halfway through my pregnancy.

"Bells," I heard Edward say. I was content and sleep in our warm, cozy bed under the covers. It was cold and I liked to stay warm. Edward had other ideas. "You're going to be late." I rolled over and tucked myself in, placing my hands on my protruding stomach and feeling my babies kick—probably at each other. They weren't even born yet and there was already some sort sibling rivalry going on. I looked at my alarm clock—again—and thought I could sleep five more minutes before I had to really get up.

"Isabella," he said again. "You are going to be late—and if you don't get up now, we're not stopping at Starbucks."

And that was the motivation that I needed. Hey, I don't want to hear any crap. These babies had already deprived me of many things—I wasn't giving up my Chai Tea Latte. It wasn't going to happen. I knew I could get Edward to stop regardless of the time. He couldn't deprive me of anything, but he knew that I couldn't say no to him either—not anymore.

I pushed myself up and out from under the warmth and comfort of my covers. I smoothed my bed head down and looked at the clock again. There was no time for a shower—good thing I'd taken one the night before. I wiped the crust from my eyes and got up. I had finally given in and bought maternity clothes a few weekends ago with Alice and Rose. I pulled out a cute pair of black dress pants and a deep purple maternity top and shoved my feet into my sturdy pair of Dansko's. No heels for me anymore. I just couldn't stay balanced and being pregnant on crutches was not my idea of a good time.

An hour later I arrived at work, after going through the Starbucks drive through and dropping Edward off at rehab. Esme was meeting him there—Edward and I had agreed since I would be taking some time off after the babies were born that I was going to keep working until delivery. Esme was flexible in her scheduling and spent a lot of time at rehab with him. I spent a lot of time in my office, signing off on lab work and other paperwork. I had been told to not enter autopsy, for fear the chemicals I worked with would affect my babies.

Office work wasn't that bad. The deadlines weren't as stressful as the ones associated with autopsies and I was able to sit more. I was still exhausted by the end of the day, but at least my feet didn't hurt. That was always good. I had gotten through an impressive amount of paperwork in the past three hours. I eyed the next stack of files as I had a little snack of grapes and almonds.

"Dr. Swan," my intercom buzzed alive and pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Yes, "I replied.

"Mr. Cullen and Mrs. Cullen are here to see you. " That was odd; they didn't usually come to see me at work.

"Send them in."

I pulled out my compact and made sure that I looked ok. I smoothed down my hair and reapplied my lipstick. I put my shoes back on moved the mountain of files off my desk and onto the floor behind me. I didn't want Edward to think that I was working too hard because then he would lecture me and I didn't need to be lectured. Again.

"Is something wrong?" I asked as Esme walked into my office.

"No, Edward just wanted to show you something."

"Well, where is he?"

"Right here," he said a second later, sans walker. He walked over to me and gave me a hug and a kiss. "Whaddya think, babe?"

"You're walking!" I wrap my arms around him, as well as I can with my belly, and give him a hug. I can't believe he's walking without his walker. It's only been a little over two months. My eyes are a little misty.

"Are you crying?" Edward asks, looking down at me.

"No. I'm just happy." I wipe at my eyes, betraying my emotions and look up at him.

"You know what this means, right?" he asks, looking down at me.

"No more handicapped parking?" I reply sarcastically, because I know what he's going to say.

"We can get married."

The room was suddenly silent. I didn't know what to say. I had told Edward that when he could walk down the aisle with me that I would marry him. I thought that it would take longer.

"We could," I replied a minute later. I really couldn't come up with any more excuses as to why we couldn't do this. He was essentially out of the military—there was no way he'd ever be a SEAL again which meant he wouldn't want to be in the military. I was pregnant. We lived together. These babies would be here sooner rather than later.

"We will." Edward said. "I was thinking Friday at 5pm. I've already called Rose, Alice and Jasper."

"Friday. Don't you think that's….. a little quick? I don't have a dress. Or anything planned."

"You said you wanted something small and simple We can do it there. That's about as small and simple as you can get."

I sat down behind my desk and put my head down. It was spinning and it needed to stop. I loved Edward. I already loved my babies. I knew Edward wasn't going anywhere—at least not anywhere dangerous. I knew he wouldn't leave me. I knew he loved me. I was just scared. Scared of it all. Motherhood. Being a wife. Edward's recovery. It was all so scary.

**July 2005**

"You're beautiful." I said to Alice, arranging her veil for what seemed like the thousandth time that day.

"So are you, I'm glad we picked that color." I scoffed at Alice and went back to adjusting the rest of her dress.

"So who's the guy?" Alice asked. She, along with everyone else, was displeased that Edward and I weren't together.

"Erik. Just a guy I met in school."

"_He_ came by himself," Alice replied, I knew who she was talking about and it wasn't my friend from school.

"I can't believe that you brought a date to my wedding."

"You said that I could. If you didn't want me bringing a date, you shouldn't have said it was ok."

"I didn't think that you would actually bring someone!" Alice whisper-shouted at me.

"I wasn't coming to your wedding without a date. That's just embarrassing."

"Edward did." Alice replied, again.

"I'm sure he'll leave with someone." I didn't want to talk about it. Edward and I were supposed to be here together. No one understood why I broke it off.

"Bells, Alice, you ready?" Rosalie asked, as she waddled her hugely pregnant body into the room.

"Yes," we replied simultaneously.

An hour later Alice and Jasper were married, Rosalie and Emmett were dancing and Erik was getting me a drink from the bar. We were sitting outside on the brick patio of the clubhouse watching the reception while taking in the nice weather; not too hot with just a little breeze.

"Hello Bella," I knew that voice. It was a beautiful voice that I knew all too well. I turned around and saw the handsome face that the voice belonged to.

"Hi Edward," I replied.

"How have you been?" Edward asked.

"Fine," I replied. "Busy."

"Busy, I'm sure. Congratulations by the way."

"Thanks," I saw Erik coming and stood up to meet him.

"Who's this?" Erik asked, looking from me to Edward and then back at me.

"This is Edward," I replied. "Edward, this is Dr. Erik Fenton, one of my fellow classmates."

"Nice to meet you," Erik said, pushing his hand forward to shake Edwards. Edward didn't reply.

Edward glared at the hand and his hard eyes snapped to mine, "We'll talk later." He walked away and didn't look back.

"Was that _the _Edward?" Erik asked.

"Yeah," I replied slamming back my pink vodka martini, Alice and Jasper's signature wedding reception drink. I needed alcohol.

"He's hot," Erik replied.

"I am well aware of the hotness. Thanks though. Unfortunately for you, he's as straight as I am. Sorry dear."

"It's a shame," Erik and I watched Edward walk around the buffet.

"Us straight girls think the same thing when we see hot gay men," I reply, punching Erik in the shoulder.

"I'm going to the bathroom; I'll be back in a few." I watched Erik walk away and turned my attention to my brother and his wife. I watched them as they danced to a slow song, Rosalie's obviously pregnant belly pushing up against Emmett's flat one. It was a sight. The three of them, Emmett, Jasper and Edward, were all in Navy Whites. They all looked very handsome. And Jasper and Emmett were lucky enough to have beautiful woman by their side.

It made me sad watching them. Knowing I'd never have that.

"Why are you crying?"

I turned my head and saw him standing over me. His tall frame, clad in white, almost shining in the sun.

"I'm happy for them," I reply, pointing towards Alice and Jasper. "They're so happy."

"That should be us," Edward said, also nodding towards Alice and Jasper. "That could've been us."

"I don't want to talk about this here," I replied, looking towards the bathrooms looking for Erik. I didn't see him.

"Then where, Bella? You won't answer my calls. You ignore my emails. Your voicemail is full."

"I told you it was over," I replied.

"Without an explanation," he replied. He pulled out the chair and sat down next to me.

"I gave you an explanation. You broke your promise."

"I didn't break it. It's only a year Bella, a year! And then I'm out. Done. A civilian. By that time, you'll be done with your internship and I can come with you wherever it is you want to go for residency. It's only a year Bella. You won't even notice it. It'll fly by."

"I'll notice it Edward. It's not as easy for me as it is for you. I just can't turn off the want, the need. I'm not like that. I think about you constantly when you're gone; your smile, your kisses, the fact that you are in combat. You have a dangerous, could-be-killed-at-any-minute job. It's hard to concentrate knowing your life is in constant danger. It'll be easier this way. Easier without you. Your leaving soon for training. Give me some time. We'll talk about when you get back. I promise.

"I don't want to talk about it when I come back. I want to talk about it now."

"Edward, I can't right now, I just can't." I got up and walked away from him and fled to the bathroom. It was the only place I could think of where I knew he wouldn't follow.

Fifteen minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom to find both Erik and Edward waiting for me.

I looked back and forth between them and motioned for Erik to follow me.

I walked silently towards the car and bleeped my car open.

"He loves you Bella," Erik said as I got into my seat.

"I love him too. But sometimes, Erik, love isn't enough."

**Friday (Present Day)**

"What's wrong Bella?" Rose asked me, she was 'fluffing' my hair, as she called it.

"I'm nervous."

"About what, honey?" Rose asked.

"Everything. I'm going to be a mother, Rose. A wife. How do I know how to do that? I don't have a mother. I never really paid attention to my parents' marriage. It's not like I can call my mom and say 'hey did you and dad have great sex your entire marriage, or was it just mediocre.' And how did you know what to do when I fell, or when Emmett flipped off his bike and was bleeding. How did you know what advice to give us? How do I explain to my children that I was pregnant before we got married? How is that something you discuss? Edward and I were irresponsible and now I'm pregnant and getting married. They're going to figure that out eventually—and then what do I tell them?"

"It doesn't matter. He loves you. You love him. That's it. Enough said. Worry about the other stuff when it happens. It'll be at least 14-15 years before they realize it.

"Am I doing the right thing?"

"Absolutely," she replied. "Contrary to what you've thought in the past, love _is_ enough. You and Edward have been through everything; loss, tragedy, separation, love, hate, lust. You've run the gauntlet of emotion with this man. He's your other half. He always has been. Like Emmett was my other half. You'll never find anyone else like him. He fits you, perfectly."

"He does fit me perfectly," I giggled. I thought I was funny.

"You're gross," she said, poking my belly.

"Leave them alone. They haven't done anything to you."

"Seriously, Bella. I've always known you two would end up together. And so did Emmett. He couldn't have asked for anyone to take better care of his sister."

"You're right," I said.

I was wearing a plain ivory maternity dress and white flats. My hair was appropriately fluffed and everyone was waiting for Rose and I, Alice would walk in front of us.

Minutes later, we were standing in front of the Justice of the Peace, Edward by my side saying vows and exchanging rings.

Everyone that was important to us, even our children, was in attendance; Alice, Jasper and Annaliese, Rose, EJ and Aaron and Esme. My best guy friend, Erik, and his date, Peter Green, who was ironically my doctor.

We had reserved a private room for lunch at the Jefferson Hotel, down the street from the court house and invited the justice of the peace to come with us.

We made toasts and everyone else drank champagne.

"If I could have everyone's attention, "I heard Esme say. She stood up and flattened her skirt out against her legs. "I have a present for Edward and Bella." She came out from behind her chair and pushed it in. "As many of you know, my husband, Carlisle, died several years ago. Prior to his death, he bought a house in the city with the hope that someday Bella and Edward would live there. At the time of his death, Edward and Bella were—"she looked to the two of us—"disgruntled with each other and I never told them about the house. So today, on your wedding day, I present to you your father's gift to you." She handed me a piece of paper that I realized was a picture.

I took a deep breath. I knew this house. I loved this house. I passed by this house regularly. Wow, I couldn't believe that it was ours and that we would have a place to bring our children home to.

"Now that Esme has given you the best gift ever—"Alice gave Esme a hug and a quick peck on the cheek as she stood," we have a gift. Actually, Rose, Jasper and I have a gift for you. We've decorated the nursery, bought the cribs, the changing table and everything you need for little ones. It's all there just waiting for them."

I was overly emotional and couldn't control the tears falling from my eyes.

I looked to Edward who was thanking everyone. And then I looked down at our hands, intertwined with each other. His platinum wedding band nestled behind his third knuckle.

"I love you," I whisper into his ear.

**Ten Weeks Later**

Thirty five weeks today. I had three more weeks to go. Dr. Green had told me that he liked his twins moms to go 38 weeks. I wasn't sure if I could go that far—if my body could go that far.

I was going to be crazy from inactivity by the time these babies got here.

I was right—as usual. My little compact, 5'3 body was not made to handle two 'Edward sized' babies. I had been on bed rest for a month. Strict bed rest—which meant I was in the hospital, hooked up to a monitor I was allowed to sit up, and swivel my body to the bedside commode. It sucked. The wait was killing me.

Edward—now almost fully healed and almost running, visited daily. He still had Physical Therapy, but it was only three days a week for three hours a day, instead of the daily therapy he had started out with. . In a few months, he'd be evaluated for whether he could return to active duty. It was a long shot, but he was going to try. I was trying to be supportive about it, but I was hoping that he would be a civilian again.

"Hey," he said, walking into the room and placing the milkshake, I had begged him to bring me, onto my table.

"Hey baby," I replied, reaching up to kiss him on the lips.

"How are my babies?" He asks, putting his hand to my stomach.

"Good," he scooted onto the chair next to me and sat down.

"How's my wife?" He asked, stroking my cheek. I leaned into his touch and wished that he would keep his hand there all day.

"Tired and ready to no longer be pregnant."

"Any contractions?" He asked. I went into labor a week after the wedding. They were able to stop it and warned me to take it easy. A week later I had regular contractions again and I ended up in the hospital. This time, I was put on bed rest and told to be careful. Two weeks ago, at a routine exam, I was found to be dilated but my cervix was normal—for the time being. My blood pressure was a little high and my ankles looked like sausages—at least that's what Alice said. I couldn't see my own ankles and neither could she. But we could see each other's ankles.

"None, today." I replied.

"Good. That's good." I knew that Edward was scared. Scared we'd have preemies and scared something would happen to me during labor.

I was bound and determined to deliver two healthy babies. It was the only goal I had until they were born.

"You look tired," I said to him. He had bags under his eyes, I was concerned.

"I'll be ok." I knew that in addition to Edward's PT, he was working on getting our house ready. He didn't want the kids to go home to the apartment.

"Take a nap," I motioned towards the chair that he sometimes slept in and he looked at me and smiled. Minutes later, I could hear him lightly snoring, his face slack and looking ten years younger.

**Thirty Eight Weeks**

I made it. I was beyond what was considered full term for a woman carrying twins.

I was going to need major plastic surgery after this, my stomach stretched so far that it was almost opaque.

I was in labor and this time, it wasn't going to be stopped. The babies—we still didn't know what we were having—were excellent. Their lungs were in good condition and the babies were healthy sizes.

Our house was ready. Their rooms were ready. I was ready—or I had myself convinced that I was ready.

"You ready to meet these babies?" Peter asked as he walked into the room.

"Yes," Edward was sitting next to me, holding my hand. He was ready to meet them too.

"Ok. One last ultrasound before we go to the OR, just to confirm that Baby A is still breech."

We all looked at the screen and none of us were surprised to see Baby A folded, with the butt down and face up.

"Yup, still breech." Dr Green replied. "Let's go to the OR."

An hour later, we got to meet our children.

Soon after, Esme, as well as Jasper, Alice, Rose and Annaliese met us in the recovery room where the babies were snuggled in mine and Edward's arms.

"So give us all the details," Rose asked.

"This, "Edward said, "is Carlisle Anthony Cullen, weighing in at 7lbs and 11ozs and 20 inches long." He looked like me—he had tufts of brown hair and gray eyes. I wondered if they would be brown or green. I was hoping for green.

"And this," I said, clutching the other one to my chest, "is Renee Esme Cullen. She's 6lbs and 9ozs and is 19 inches long. And look at this," I said, removing the hat that was hiding her red hair.

Esme put her hands to her mouth and gasped. "They're beautiful."

"Just beautiful," Edward stared in Carlisle's eyes like he was the second coming.

"And perfect," I said, "don't forget perfect."

**I would like to thank everyone for taking this journey with me. I know that it has been a long one and I'm appreciative of every single one of my readers and reviewers. There is one more chapter to this story, an epilogue, to be posted after this weekend. **

**I will be continuing a one-shot written a while back called B Shift, with the goal of completing it before August 20****th**** (when my children return to school and my life gets super busy again). **

**My other story, A Stranger in the Night, will be put on hiatus for the time being, but will be completed at a later date.**

**For those of you who don't know, there will be a Fanfiction 'ban' from Friday, June 8 at 10pm to Sunday, June 10****th**** at 10pm, Pacific Time. To sign the petition, go to . You can also join Team No FFN on Facebook.**

**In the event that you want to follow a rambling, slightly neurotic and OCD mother of three on Twitter, I'm 'JosabbiMommy'. I can't guarantee that it's PG rated. I can probably make you squirt coke out your nose though.**


	8. Chapter 8

**This is really the end, this is where I ultimately saw this story ending. I hope that everyone enjoyed it. I am taking a break from writing fanfiction for the next few months. I have some story ideas and have been jotting them down, but nothing will be published until April 2013. I am in my final three classes and really need to concentrate on them.**

**Thank you to Lila, fuzzyltlwingthg, for her patience and kindness over the past year. She is a fantastic beta and when I'm ready to come back, I hope that she's able and willing to help me.**

"Mom," I could hear it. It was far away—right on the brink of my consciousness. I was trying to ignore it.

"Mom," I heard it again. I scooted farther under the covers and squished my eyes tighter together.

"MOMMY!" I had a set of lips about a millimeter from my ear lobe.

"I'M UP!" I reply. I look around and realize that I'm in a tent.

If someone had told me ten years ago that I would be in the woods, camping with my family and a pack of Cub Scouts, I would've smacked them silly.

But here I am. Camping. In a tent. In the woods. Outside.

"Mornin' Honey," Edward says, popping his head into the tent.

"Hmmpf," I say, not really awake and trying to shake the eardrum rattling scream out of my head.

"Breakfast is ready," he pulls his head out and ushers the boys, our three overly exuberant sons, out of the tent. Why did I volunteer to do this again instead of going to the spa with Alice, Esme and Renee, my ten year old daughter? Oh yes, I remember—Edward said I wouldn't be able to do it. And I wanted to prove him wrong.

I pull my unruly mop of hair into a ponytail and slip myself out of my sleeping bag. Slipping some pants and a t-shirt on I unzip the tent door and greet the male portion of my family.

"Here," Edward says, handing me a steaming cup of what I'm hoping is coffee.

"Hmmm," I say as the hot liqud goes down my throat.

"Good morning, honey," Edward says, giving me a kiss. "Sleep well?"

"Sure," I reply, rolling my eyes at him.

Edward and I had been married for ten years. In that time, we had three more children, for a total of five. Four boys and one girl, Renee. She'd hoped for a sister each time. What she got stuck with were four rowdy, sports loving, dirt slinging brothers. They looked at my prim, make-up obsessed daughter as an alien. They couldn't understand why she didn't like Star Wars and dirt. And didn't want to come camping. She liked princesses and books.

"Mom," I turned my head to look at our oldest, Charlie, walking towards me with an open pen knife.

"Charlie," I yelled. "Remember your safety circle. I don't want to fix any of your brothers."

"Look what I whittled." He hands me something that resembles a tree.

"That's great. Did you get that out of your book?"

"Yeah," he replied. Edward thought it was a great idea to give the kids pen knives. I was not a fan. But they all wanted to earn their 'whittling' patch and as they all looked up at me, their pouty faces in full effect, it was impossible to say no.

"Boys, we need to break camp," I heard Edward yell.

Did I mention he was the Scout Master? Yeah. You know what that makes me?

The Scout Masters wife. Mrs-I-can-do-anything-and-live-outside-for-days. I have the oath and laws memorized. I can quote the Cub Scout handbook forward and backwards. And I've sewn on more patches than anyone else. Yes, that would be me, scout mom extraordinaire.

How did this happen?

One minute we were married with two children and living happily in the city.

Then it happened. Edward longed for wide open spaces. He had graduated from law school and needed a firm to practice with.

And he found them. In the country. And that's how we ended up in the small, farming town of Beaverdam, Virginia. We decided to have one more child. And ended up with another set of twins.

Brock and Bryce were born via C-Section three years after we got married. They were seven now.

I convinced Edward to try one more time. At this point, we had four children, having one more wouldn't make that much of a difference and Renee was begging for a sister. We tried two years later—and that's where Ben came from. He was five now. And that's how I, Isabella Swan Cullen, the woman who wanted no children what-so-ever, ended up with five children.

And that's how I landed at camp.

I still work—occasionally. I took a job as a district coroner. I'm 'on-call' everyday, but only end up working a couple days a month. It's a good life. And admittedly, I love it. I didn't think that I would. But I do.

Alice and Jasper ended up having a little boy—and then another little boy. Annaliese couldn't be happier having two younger brothers to torment. Her and my daughter, Renee, are close friends.

Rosalie did eventually meet someone. She got remarried last year. He's a fantastic man—and treats my nephews like his own. Rose is happy, and that's really all the matters.

Esme came to stay with us after suffering a stroke. She enjoys spending time with her grandchildren and has joined the local gardening club. She never did date again. But she seems content with the life that she has—and the kids love her.

Zach, the young man who was assigned to help Edward after his accident, moved to Richmond. He bought our house from us. He ended up going to medical school. He's married now and raising his kids in the house we sold him. He seems very happy.

And Edward and I are happy. Content with the life that I didn't think I wanted. I'm proud of my children. I'm happy with my job and I'm proud of my husband.

He's my hero.

My lover.

My savior.

I didn't know what I was missing—until I looked in to the eyes of my babies—and then up at my husband. And then I was complete—not for now, but for the rest of my life.


End file.
